The One with the End of an Era

I was going to call this one either "The One with a Fall From Grace" or "The One with the End of a Love Affair" or "The One Where I Lose the Love," and then I realized that both of those would make it sound like I was on either side of some kind of extramarital affair or getting a divorce or something, which I'm not.

When I wrote this post, I meant everything I said.  Everything about the love I've always had for everything in the Jane Pratt universe, and how Jane magazine was the raison d'être for most of my adolesence and childhood.  How I looked up to Jane, and how it was my absolute biggest dream to be able to work for her.

You know how, at some point, you realize your parents aren't perfect?  You realize they're not perfect, and it's so effing disappointing?

The last two days have been like that for me.

You might accuse me of being melodramatic, and that's cool, but the xoJane community was like. . .my people.  Smart, snarky people with opinions beyond "OMG, I totes need the new Marc Jacobs bag or I'll, like, LITERALLY DIE."  It is the damn hardest thing in the world for me to make friends, so when I find a community, whether online or in the 3-D world, that I can connect with, it's huge.  And I had that.  But I don't think I do anymore.

Without getting into the logistics of all of it, I think it all boils down to the fact that I've realized that Jane herself. . .doesn't really care.  She cares about the money, and she cares about the clicks, but she doesn't much care about the community of people that, for the most part, were brought together because of the common interest of Jane or Jane's big sister, Sassy. 

She has always been known for her celebrity name-dropping (Did you know she's former lovers/ currentBFF with Michael Stipe?  And that she slept with Drew Barrymore?  And that she's also BFF with Courteney Cox?  We all know.  Because she talks about it ad nauseum.)  but apparently, that also bleeds over into the not-so-celebrity people, the chosen few that are part of the in-crowd.  The ones that get fawned over and acknowledged like they were real-life best friends.

Am I jealous?  That this woman I've looked up to for literally more than half my life won't respond to my (obviously hilarious) life observations and (thoughtful) questions?  A little, yeah.  But it's so much more than that.

I can't have respect for someone who looks the other way while her beauty director and "health critic" gets herself so wasted on drugs every night she writes long, rambling diatribes about her "rock and roll" lifestyle (with a beauty product recommendation thrown in for good measure at the end) and who, after the aforementioned BD/HC quits (Yeah, quits.  Wasn't fired.  Quits to write for the Vice website.) hires a new Beauty Editor that her readers and commenters literally, literally BEGGED her to not hire, for a miriad of very valid reasons.  And when she hired her instead, just basically said, "I love her and you need to be nice!" without addressing any of the reason why the readers, the REASON for such a site, were so against it.

I'm tired of the constant tearing-down in the comments section and the authors' own Twitter feeds.    I'm tired of being a part of a community where, a year ago, I felt like I was an active part of and that I was being heard as a person, and now, I'm just not.  It doesn't help that Disqus has added a "downvote" option and that it's anonymous.  People are just mean.  I think facebook has been correct in not adding the "Dislike" option.  That would get really ugly really fast.

So I'm quitting.  I'm throwing in the towel.  At the very least, I'm taking a hiatus.  Maybe I'll be back.  If I see Daisy Barringer tweet that she's written something, I'll probably read it, but avoid the comments section.  There's enough negativity in the world, and I'm working hard enough to keep it out of my own life.  It's hard, you guys.  I'm not naturally a glass-half-full kind of gal, but I've legitimately been trying harder to not. . .drink the Haterade.

Maybe you're reading this and thinking, "Damn, Sarah.  You're too sensitive.  You're making a big deal out of nothing."  Maybe that's your opinion, and that's cool.  For me, it's like I've just lost my best elementary school friend.  It's just not fun anymore.

I guess this means I'm going to need to find real-life people to talk to now.  God help us all.

The One With an Unintended Hiatus

Merry Christmas! 12 days late

Happy New Year! almost a week late

Wow. I am way, way behind. I'm happy to see that my 21 people are still here and haven't yet abandoned me for being so incredibly remiss. Thanks, guys!

I also want to thank the people who let me know that they would, in fact, eat something from someone they didn't know. I didn't have enough people in the time before Christmas actually rolled around, so I'll keep it in mind in case I want to do some kind of giveaway in the future.

I'd like to "formally" announce my other blog, my new-ish food blog. I actually (with the help of D) started it back in December, but kind of dropped the ball, as I did with this one, but I will be doing my absolute best to keep it updated and awesome, so I can move on, eventually, to my intended full-time food career. You can check it out at www.shelikestobake.com. Once I get into the swing of things, it'll be updated more often. I promise.

D gave me a video recorder for Christmas for the express reason of getting further into video blogging. I took some video of the ridiculous amount of snow that we got, but I'm going to have to figure out a way to remove the audio before I put it up. Because I was rambling like an idiot moreso than usual and no one wants to hear that. I also did a video blog from downtown Raleigh during the New Year's Eve celebration, so I'll put that up too, in the future. (By "in the future" I mean "as soon as D has time to help me, because I am fairly technologically illiterate.)

In other news, I ran a mile yesterday on the treadmill. This wasn't a New Year's resolution. I go to the gym occasionally, and yesterday I was feeling particularly sloth-like.

via hyperbole and a half

So I'm running along, feeling like I may or may not die while a skinny Asian girl runs along beside me like it's NOTHING and "Down Home with the Neelys" plays on the TV. I'd like to make it a mile. I'm gunning for a mile. At .80, I feeling like I'm just going to keel over. I think, no, Sarah, you've baked and subsequently eaten SO MUCH these past few weeks, you are going to RUN THIS DAMN MILE.

For Christmas, my brother gave me an iTunes gift card, and I've downloaded a few new songs onto my iPod as a result. One of these songs gave me the wherewithal to get through that mile. It was this one:

Say what you will about her, but this song is awesome.

I've got more stories to tell, but I'll save them for later, possibly preventing another month-long hiatus.