The One Where I'm Not Working Full-Time

Note: I would like to add two alternates to my List of 5. Matthew Morrison and Justin Timberlake. Thanks.

So last Wednesday was my last day of full-time pseudo-employment. Thank you (THANK YOU!) to the people who left comments, wishing me luck and such. I felt. . .I don't want to say "loved,"

because that's a wee bit dramatic, but I really, really appreciated it. So thank you.

Since Wednesday, I've been. . .admittedly really, really worried about money, because, like when I lost my job in 2009, I had a lot brighter outlook on how soon I could work things out than it turned out to actually be. (That's an awkward sentence. I think you know what I mean, though.)

I have, however, cleaned pretty much the entire apartment, including throwing out a bunch of trash and bringing 3 bags of stuff to Goodwill.

I also made a cake on Sunday. I'd never made a layer cake before, so I used a box mix to practice on. It actually turned out really well. I made two layers of white cake and frosted it with chocolate (also out of a box. Or can.) I also decorated it with this can of yellow frosting D bought me a while back.

It turned out really well. It's almost completely gone, as D came home and had a couple big slices (he was a fan) and I'd eaten pretty much half of the thing since Sunday (thanks, PMS!). D's birthday is coming up soon, so I'll be making another one in the coming days.

I love my library job. Love. It. I worked a full day Saturday and the 8 hours there passed in about half the time that 8 hours passed in my old job. (Not. . .literally, obviously.) I'm going to be working another full day Friday, so that's cool. I've had only one really hateful person I've helped, and on Saturday, we had a guy that was flashing his junk to people in the parking lot, but other than that, it's been basically smooth sailing.

And finally, I bought a dress to get married in! It's not a. . .wedding dress, per se, but it is the dress that I am going to wear when we finally make it legal. I bought it at Goodwill, and I strongly suspect it was, in a former life, someone's bridesmaid's dress. I can't post a picture of it (because I might be getting married in green instead of white, but I still think the guy shouldn't see it prior to the wedding day) but it's like. . .it's what I imagine Tinkerbell's much more conservative sister might wear.

When I brought it to the register, the lady at the counter, who had a Fran Drescher voice and an Amy Winehouse bouffant, was like, "This. . .isn't for a Halloween costume, is it?" I told her it wasn't, and she was visibly relieved.

"I've been worried someone would buy this for a Halloween costume," she told me. "And it's just so pretty."

I told her I was wearing it to get married, and she said, "Oh, HONEY!" and was so excited. She then told me how practical I am, and wished me well.

And that made my afternoon.

Also, side note? It's been raining since D left on Sunday. I'd like to think that now that he's home, it's going to stop.

The One Where I Quit My Job

You all know I have a part-time job at a library. A part-time job that I love and that keeps me from jumping off tall buildings when the time at my full-time job gets to be Way Too Much.

A couple weeks ago, one of the librarians there called me and told me there was a Library Assistant position open, and they wanted me to take it. I was like, "OMG!"

Then came the kicker: it was only part-time, but part-time to the tune of 20 hours a week. So if I kept my day job, I'd be working 60-hour weeks.

I have no problem with working hard. I've DONE 60-hour weeks (Hello, newspaper!). But when I was working 40 hours a week and then an additional 10.5 - 14 at the library, I had to drop one of the days at the library, because it was just too much. Too much physically, mentally, and relationshipally.

So I decided I was going to quit my day job. I was going to quit my day job, take the library job, and hopefully gather many people together who wanted me to do freelance-type things for them. That second part is still a work in progress.

Last Wednesday, the first boss I had (the one that DOESN'T dislike me), came in, and said, "OK, look, [New Boss] wants to hire someone more qualified for your position, so I didn't want you to feel weird when people started coming in and interviewing for your job. Don't tell her I told you."

. . . . .

Beg pardon? I've been in this position since April. New boss has been here about a month, and one of those weeks was a week of vacation. How is you starting here making me any less qualified for the job?

I decided at that moment to give my notice. I said, "Well, actually, that works out, because I have a new job, etc." And I said I'd stay until Friday (this coming), but then I decided, they're not doing ME any favors, I'm going to have Friday completely off.

I also said, "Since I still need to talk to [New Boss] about it, I'd appreciate you not saying anything to her."

So, she's asked me not to tell New Boss she told me all this, I asked her to not tell New Boss that I was going to give my notice.

New Boss walks in from lunch and Old Boss says, "Hey! I told Sarah that we were going to be hiring for her position, but it's OK, because she already has a new job!"

So I guess THAT'S all out in the open.

I've been training the girl taking my place today. Warning her about the ins and outs of this place, telling her what she needs to know, etc.

And now I'm embarking on a scary, scary, maybe not-well-funded journey into librariandom and freelancing.

I worked my first shift at the library last night. That's a story for another time, though. It was epic.

The One With My List of 5

I'd like to say, first of all, HELLO! to my two newest followers.

(Not followers as in, they do everything I say without question, but followers as in, people following my blog.)

(Also, how awesome would that be? To have followers. Like Jesus does.)

(Not that I'm comparing myself to Jesus.)

(Even though that would be awesome, too.)

Every time I get new followers (and you can ask D. This actually happens.) I'm all, "They LIKE ME! The INTERNET LIKES ME!" And then I usually feel like making out with someone, and D's RIGHT THERE, so I'm all, "Let's make out!" and D's all, "Thank you, Internet!"

Or something like that.

Anyway.

Have you seen the episode of Friends with the List of 5? 5 celebrities you'd be allowed to sleep with, given the opportunity, no questions asked? D and I have. . .oddly frequent conversations about the List of 5.

Now, in the interest of full-disclosure, since I do have a penchant for the ladies, I actually get a List of 10 -- 5 dudes and 5 dudettes. I had to fight for this, but in the end, D saw my point. Sometimes he still insists he should also get 10, but for now, he gets his 5. But in the interest of keeping things hetero, I'm just talking about my List of 5 Dudes.

D knows most of these, so it's not at all awkward that I know he'll read this.

I should also note that. . .really and truly, I have no desire to ACTUALLY sleep with any of these people. Because I think that would be awkward. But those are the rules of the game.

Also. . .I have a friend that, toward the beginning of her relationship with her husband, said, "I'm so in love with (the guy) that I don't even LOOK at other guys anymore."

I did not say this at the time, but I'll say it now: That's crap. You never stop LOOKING. You stop acting upon things when you're with someone you want to be with, but just because you've found love (or whatever), that doesn't mean that you completely cease to notice that other people exist. You might even develop a harmless crush on someone. Doesn't mean you love your person any less. It just means you are human. So none of my 5 mean anything about the state of my relationship with D. It just means that there are some very, very pretty men out there in Hollywoodland, and I notice that they are pretty.

The top 2 are people who are always on my list. The rest rotate sometimes. That kind of defeats the purpose of a list, but WHATEVER.

So without more rambling further ado, Sarah's List of 5 (This week):

1. Billie Joe Armstrong

via Google Images

This guy here? Has been my boyfriend since roughly 2001. He's all dark haired, eye-linered, punk rock hotness. This is one of two guys that, when D sees them on TV, he goes, "Oh. There's your boyfriend." Yeah, he's obnoxiously political, but I feel like, as long as he doesn't talk? I'm good to go.

I also (kind of ironically) love that he and his wife have been together as long as they have. And also that one of their kids has the middle name "Danger." Homeboy can LITERALLY say, "Yeah, Danger is my middle name." Awesome.

2. Alec Baldwin

via Google Images

Yes, I realize this is an older picture, but it makes more sense, I think, if you start there. Alec Baldwin has something weirdly appealing about him, although I think a lot of it comes from his character on "30 Rock," which I LOVE. He's older man hot, and I'm into that. Obviously.

I said something about A.Bal to my father a while back, and I think he completely misses the point of the List of 5.

Me: I kind of love Alec Baldwin.

Dad: His politics are ridiculous. I hate him.

Me: I don't really care about his politics. I like his work.

Dad: He was a jerk to his daughter.

Me: I'm not looking to marry the guy or have any of his children so he can treat them badly as well! I'm talking about him being a good-looking guy. Also, he's a good actor.

Dad: Well, he's a jerk.

Me: You don't have to be a nice person to do your job. I've known a lot of jerk doctors, but they still do what needs to be done.

Dad: I hate Alec Baldwin.

So there's that. Point of that being, I guess, I should never invite A.Bal over to Dad's for dinner.

And speaking of hot older men:

3. Richard Gere

via Google Images

This guy's just got it going on. He's sensitive! He's snarky! He's a mother-effing SILVER FOX! (Did you SEE him in "Chicago"?) I love this guy. Incidentally, you know how when some people make certain faces, or look at you a certain way, they look like someone famous? D sometimes looks like Richard Gere. I'm just sayin'.

4. Nathan Fillion

via Google Images

This guy is adorable. He's never not cute, in anything he's ever been in. In the show "Castle"? Adorable. In "Desperate Housewives"? Adorable. In "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog"? Adorable AND funny. This guy's a win-win-win. He was added to my list around the time "Waitress" came out. Love this guy.

And finally. . .

5. Carrot Top

via Google Images

5. Carrot Top Demitri Martin

via Google Images

Demitri Martin, actually, is the third person that D consistently refers to as My Boyfriend, and I can't believe I almost forgot him. This guy? Is hysterical. Freaking hysterical. The kind of comedy that it takes you 2 seconds to realize why what he said is funny, but when you do, you laugh your ass off. Smart comedy.

Plus, um, he's hot. Like. . .super hot. Funny and hot. Nice.

So there's my 5, 3 of which remain consistent. So you guys tell me: who would YOUR 5 be?

The One Where Oprah May or May Not Be Satan

First of all, my posting was featured on Mushroom Printing today! Yay!

I'd mentioned a while back that I was reading the Kitty Kelley biography of Oprah. I finished it last week, and, I have to say, I'm not the least bit surprised at what I read.

I have never liked Oprah. Ever. She had, basically, trashy TV, and then she tried to go all new-agey and "I'll help you help yourself" and while telling people they needed to be healthy, her own personal weight ballooned up and down, effectively making her a hypocrite. Plus, she puts HERSELF on the cover of all of her magazines. I know other people do that, too (Hello, Rachael Ray! Hi, Martha Stewart!), but Martha doesn't do it always, and Rachael is. . .Rachael.

Nothing about Oprah seems sincere, and yeah, she gives money to people and charities, but she also makes sure everyone KNOWS she's giving money to people and charities. She's all, "I know how you FEEL," when talking to poor/downtrodden/whatever people, but y'all? Oprah has not been poor in about 50 years, and she is most certainly NOT downtrodden. She always pulls the race card, but no one's going to say "Boo!" to Oprah.

The book, while not particularly well-written, was interesting and plenty salacious. Obviously, the things written in it are not un-true, because you know if they had been, Kitty Kelley would be sued for everything she's worth and the book would have been yanked off of bookshelves.

So the conclusion that I can come to is that Oprah is just as nasty as I always thought she was.

Then there's the point of this. Oprah's Book Club.

I'm one of those people that, when something I like gets really popular, I'm like, "Dude. . .no." Because what happens then is that people think you like it because of other people liking it, and not because you discovered it first.

I've read a couple of the books on Oprah's list, either not knowing they were on her list, or before they were on her list. Most of them were pretty good. (Except for "Eat, Pray, Love," but that is another post in and of itself.)

I got an e-mail from the library today with the heading "Somebody peeked in the Oprah box!" (which. . .FYI. . .THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!) It was a link to an AP article about how the Associated Press had bought a copy of the book with the "Oprah's (effin') Book Club" sticker on it, so people already knew what the book was, even though it wasn't "announced" until today (Friday.)

The e-mail was talking about how many more copies of the book we'd need, etc.

Then a second e-mail came, talking (complaining) about how, logistically, it's always a nightmare when Oprah announces her books.

I went to the hold system at 2:27 p.m. to see how many holds had been put on the book. There were 330. Right now, at 3:42, there are 347. It'll break 400 by the end of the day, I promise.

This bugs me. Why are people such sheep? Why do so many people worship at the Church of Oprah? What makes her any more special than anyone else?

It bugs me because she KNOWS she has this effect. It bugs me because I don't understand why.

I, for one, will not be reading this book. Mainly because it sounds dumb to me. But also because Oprah recommended "Eat, Pray, Love" and we all know how THAT turned out.

All I'm really saying is that anyone with THAT MUCH mind control over THAT MANY people? Has to be evil.

EDIT: It's 3:46. There are now 350 holds.

The One Where I Boycott Things

I'm all about making a statement. If I think something's unfair, I'll say, "Hey! That's not fair!"

Or if I think something's offensive, I'll be like, "Hey! That's offensive!"

Yesterday, D and I went to this Chinese place near here. We each got the lunch special, which was like $5. Then, thanks to hot mustard (mine) and General Tso's chicken (D's), we got thirsty. D went up to get a tea and maybe a Diet Coke, and the lady was all, "No debit card purchases under $5." And D's like, "I don't have cash, and we just spent a collective $10." And she's all, "No."

(I found out later that technically, stores aren't allowed to do that. They're supposed to take cards for any amount, and that if a store sets a minimum? That's not really allowed. Unfortunately, most credit card companies won't do anything about it, even if you complain.)

So D's pissed. Ultimately, he went to the Food Lion next door and bought two bottles of water, but I don't think we're going to be going back to that particular Chinese place.

That got me thinking about boycotting things. I have a few things I'm currently boycotting, and now I can add that place to the list. Following are my Things I'm Boycotting:

1) That Chinese Place

2) The Bruegger's Bagels in Wake Forest (This is because of terrible, terrible service, and the fact that it's full of rude, snotty people.)

3) Any movie containing Matthew McConaughey (Because OBVIOUSLY!)

4) The morning show "Bob and the Showgram" on one of the radio stations in town.

This one has more of a history. Bob is obnoxious. I can't stand him. His co-host, Mike, is obnoxious, and thinks he's awesome. He's not. They do stupid, stupid things on the show that insult my intelligence anyway. This one morning, they're talking about. . .something, I don't even remember, and the girl co-host, Kristin, was like, "Well, Bob, you think all women are prostitutes anyway." And Bob's all, "Yeah, that's true."

As soon as those words left his mouth, I flipped the station. I was really, really insulted by that, and I didn't even need to know his reason. D's like, "What was that for?" and I said, "I'm not listening to this show anymore. I'm boycotting it." And I have. I have not listened to the show since that day, which was probably in June or July.

I found out later that the reasoning behind that was that Bob feels women don't have sex ever except to gain something, whether immediately, or in the future. Coming from a man who, admittedly, has sex like once a month? Bob needs to SHUT HIS WHORE MOUTH. After finding out the explanation, I'm glad I stopped listening. It's such a popular show that it's not like one person not listening is going to make a difference, but it makes me feel better.

5) BP (I accidentally typed "BO." I guess I'm boycotting that, too.)

6) Family Guy

Now this one, I've never shared, but I'm doing it now. I was up visiting my cousin and her husband a few months back, and her husband (Frank) and I were watching Family Guy. Carrie'd already gone to bed.

In this particular episode, Stewie (the baby) fell down the stairs and was comatose from what was obviously a Traumatic Brain Injury. The entire episode, it was this joke that Brian (the dog) was trying to keep everyone from finding out what had happened. Through it all, the baby is not moving, not responding, etc.

At the end, the mother is backing out of the driveway, and the father, who has since realized the baby is brain-damaged, throws the baby under the car so it looks like the mother has damaged her baby by running over him. Then she's all, "Oh! We can cover this up!"

Some of you might remember my cousin, John, who was in a car accident last Christmas and who himself received a TBI. Unlike the cartoon character, John isn't going to be OK by the next episode. There is nothing at all funny about a kid with a brain injury.

So that's why I'm boycotting Family Guy. Because every time I am around John for extended periods of time, I'm weepy for a week afterwards. Because it's just not fair. At all.

I still have the FG DVDs I bought, but I need to get rid of them, I think. I've been watching what I recognize to be older episodes when I see them on TV, but I feel like that's a cop-out boycott. If I'm going to say I don't appreciate something, I should probably not appreciate it in its entirety.

So. . .if anyone needs the first two box sets of Family Guy DVDs. . .

The One With a Follow-Up on Fake Pregnancies

I wasn't going to mention this because, as I told D, "I KNOW I was right. I don't need to tell everyone." But this? Is about so much more than me being right. It's been eating at me since it happened. Let me explain.

Remember the dramatic, over-sharing girl? I didn't say all this on that posting, because I was afraid of karma, but I told both my cousin Carrie (who knows this girl) and D that I knew, I just KNEW, that she would traumatically "lose" her (non-existent) "baby." JUST IN CASE I was wrong, I didn't want to put that out there in the blogosphere.

But last night? I found this was her facebook status: (I'd checked it with the sole purpose of finding out if she was still "pregnant," because even though there was no reason to worry about anything at all, she was going on and on about how "worried" she was something was wrong.)

"Okay so no more baby. Maybe it is for the best so we can both move on with our lives. :("

I call shenanigans. You'd be a little more upset than THAT if you lost a baby. She follows a comment someone left her up with "It is really hard but I know it is probably for the best. I feel like my child has just been ripped from my arms and there is nothing I can do about it but I also know that right now was not the best time for either one of us to have a baby. Maybe one day I will look back and be happy that things turned out the way they did but for right now I am very very sad and hurt."

I am not personally close with anyone who has lost a baby, but considering how many blogs I read, I've come across quite a few sites, dedicated to the memories of lost unborn babies. From what I understand, that? Is something you are not ever "happy" about. That burned me. Especially when one of her friends expressed sympathy, and said girl says, "Thanks. Next time I'm in NC, we will have to have lunch with those adorable babies!" (Her friend's babies.)

Think. . .you've just lost a kid. How anxious are you to get together with someone with healthy babies?

Her "baby's" "father"? Hasn't even mentioned it. He's just talking about how his new girlfriend is The One.

A mere 24 hours after "losing" her "baby" she says, "I'm planning on having a really productive day today! Wish me luck!"

People like this girl? And the ones that have faked cancer to get sympathy/money/a house paid for? Make me sick. I'm an attention whore. I'll admit that. But never, EVER would I attention whore make up something like this. Not only is it bad karma, but it's deceptively and unfairly tugging on people's heartstrings.

At least one person has said, "Well, there's a small chance that all this really did happen to her." OK. A small chance. Maybe 2%. But judging from her drama-laden background, I'm going to guess that, no. There was never a baby. I also take this from the fact that on Friday when she was "having trouble" with the "baby," the medical terminology and what she said was wrong didn't make any sense at all. None.

So for all the real mothers who have honestly lost a baby? And who have to go through life thinking about that? I give this girl a giant slap across her effing dramatic face. And she deserves more. But it's not worth my time.

The One Where I'm Socially Awkward Sometimes

I am feeling more awkward at this moment than any human being has a right to feel.

First of all, I have some. . .aspects of my personality that I have, previously, thought could be attributed to being autistic. Then I did some research (Thanks, hypochondriac-ism!) and found out that it's a thing that's diagnosed in childhood, and not in adulthood. I, admittedly, don't know a whole lot about it, and it is the furthest thing from my mind to insult anyone who actually has to deal with things of this nature, but, you know, you don't know unless you ask. Or, in my case, research.

I just find that a lot of things that happen to me in social situations are largely unexplainable, unless the explanation is that I'm just really, really awkward. I mentioned this to my mother a while back, and said something like, "Well, that's just because I'm socially awkward," and she's all, "Um, no you're not."

I feel like she has No Idea.

I guess the difference is that I am (sometimes) able to curb the awkward, pretending like I'm super-comfortable in social situations, when, in fact, I'd honestly rather be at home, by myself or with D, making Candy Sushi, which I will, in fact, be doing tonight. I guess if there were something, legitimately, physically (or mentally?) wrong with me, I wouldn't be able to fake it.

A lot of the symptoms (granted, they show up in kids, but I don't have anything else to go on), fit me. Stuff like autistic (children) may: (and I got all this from here)

* Be overly sensitive in sight, hearing, touch, smell, or taste;

* Have unusual distress when routines are changed;

* May not respond to eye contact;

* Prefer to spend time alone, rather than with others;

* May find normal noises painful;

* May withdraw from physical contact because it is overstimulating or overwhelming;

* Gets stuck on a single topic or task;

* Has a short attention span;

* And so on.

I don't know. Obviously, I don't have this particular issue, but it WOULD explain weird behaviors sometimes, and would further explain why, in social situations, I find myself just not sure what to do or responding inappropriately. And then you throw in my OCD, and I find myself feeling uncomfortably, intensely horrible when I realize I've done something in a non-social normy kind of way. It tortures me.

If I DID have autism, it might also explain being unapproachable, which D mentioned today. That wasn't the first time I've heard that, but I think of myself as pretty friendly, especially at work, and it just kind of sucks that other people don't see me the same way I see me. But I really don't have any excuse except being. . .unapproachable, and apparently, unfriendly. (I'll get to that in a minute.)

Reminds me of about. . .12 years ago, I guess, when my mom's neighbors had their granddaughter over for a few days. She was my age, and I was introduced to her, and she and I hung out while she was there. The last day of her trip, we were sitting on the front stoop, and she was like, "You know, when I first saw you, you didn't look very interesting or very much fun. But you are!"

A compliment, ultimately, sure. But damn. I don't look very interesting, I don't look like very much fun, I'm not approachable, I'm intimidating, I'm not very pretty (thanks, guy in my Sociology class), and as a child, I had ears the size of small satellites. (OK, no one ACTUALLY ever said that to me, but I have photographic evidence, yo!) I do actually have a few friends here and here, and D's not someone I made up, so obviously, people like me a little sometimes. It's just. . .hard to acknowledge that you come across as so completely different than you think you do.

All this being said, I'm finally getting to the reason I feel so awkward right now.

Three people at work are leaving/have left this week and next. This one guy who, I wasn't FRIENDS with, per se, but with whom I had a healthy rapport was heading out. He stopped at the door and turned back to say bye to me. He comes up to my window, shakes me hand, and says, "Take care, Sarah."

And what do I say?

Nothing.

I do not respond whatsoever.

I half-smile at him and shake his hand, but no words come out of my mouth. No, "It's been nice knowing you!" or "Good luck at your new job!"

Nothing.

I stupid half-smile at him and then he turns and walks away, probably thinking to himself, "Wow! How unfriendly and unapproachable is SHE? Plus, her freaking ears stick out halfway from her head!"

And so now I'm sitting here, agonizing about it. I'm probably never going to see this guy again, but somehow, that makes it WORSE. Because now, any time he thinks of his last day here, he's going to be like, "Wow. . .she didn't even say bye!"

(Note: I, in all of my common sense, know that he probably will never think of that exchange again as long as he lives, but tell that to my stupid, stupid BRAIN!)

So after stewing in that for a few minutes, I did what any person in my position would do.

I went to the breakroom and cut myself a slice of his farewell cake.

What did you expect, really?