The One With Ants and "The Social Network"

via Google Images

We have carpenter ants outside our back door. They are slowly, methodically, pulling all the little bits of the foundation out from under the apartment building. And I'm pretty sure this means that at some point in the next 6 months, the building is going to collapse.

I went on a crazy ant-spray yielding spree earlier today, and when I sprayed down the ones hanging out outside my door, this SWARM of them came out of this hole in the foundation. SWARMS. Like. . .my worst nightmare kind of swarming.

I know that ants in and of themselves are not scary creatures. They're not. But when hundreds of them are SWARMING OUT OF YOUR WALL, I feel the same way about them that I feel about birds. Don't even get me going on birds.

Ants slowly killing the foundation of my apartment building

After the massacre

What's actually going on in that second picture is that I'd sprayed the crap out of the ants pouring out of the foundation and, I don't know if you can see them or not, but the ants that survived are picking through the survivors. Either looking for loved ones, or looking for a snack. You can never be certain.

D and I went to see "The Social Network" last night, with free movie tickets we'd received for trying out the church we're currently attending. (No, I don't really like church. Yes, I like movies and yes, I like the fact that the church has a bucket of Diet Cokes for my perusal every Sunday morning. It's a give and take, pros and cons kind of situation.)

Over my Giant Heart Attack-sized popcorn, we watched the story of Mark Zuckurberg (I may or may not have spelled that right), the inventor of Facebook, and the world's youngest millionaire (also known as Sarah's New BFF.)

The movie itself was really good, actually. A friend of mine said he'd never see the movie because, ". . .it's about FACEBOOK." I would say that this is not a great reason to not check it out. It kind of portrays people my age as. . .really crappy, entitled people, but we kind of are, so I can't fault the movie for that.

The dialogue (did I spell THAT right?) was snappy and great, and the story was seriously interesting. I don't know how much of the story is true, but there was no point during this movie that I looked at my phone to see what time it was. It kept my interest, and the guy who played Mark was fantastic. He's got elitist (SPELLING?) apathy down to a science. (That doesn't sound like a compliment, but it is.)

There were a couple of issues I had with the movie as well. For me, the ending was way too abrupt. It kind of came out of nowhere, during a time I thought there was more that could have been said. It did give updates on what people who were in the story are doing now, and how things were resolved, so that was good, but I didn't like how abruptly the credits were rolling.

My second (of two) issues is with Justin Timberlake. Not JT himself (Love him. Added him to my List of 5.) or his acting (which isn't perfect, but I think he's got a solid film career ahead of him.) It was the fact that. . .they cast Justin Timberlake. I think he, as a celebrity, was too big for this film, especially considering it was (allegedly) a true story.

I say this because he played the creator of Napster, who is a 7% share owner of Facebook. But what I found myself thinking to myself was, "Oh, wow. Justin Timberlake is a part owner of Facebook!"

Well, no. He's not. But since he was playing the character who IS part owner, Justin Timberlake's celebrity overshadowed the role he was playing. I think if this were not at all a true story, it wouldn't have been a big deal. But I kept having to remind myself that Justin Timberlake did not invent Napster and has nothing to do with Facebook.

All in all, a movie I'd recommend. 3 out of 4 stars.

Just remember that Justin Timberlake does not own any part of Facebook, nor did he invent Napster.

The One With My List of 5

I'd like to say, first of all, HELLO! to my two newest followers.

(Not followers as in, they do everything I say without question, but followers as in, people following my blog.)

(Also, how awesome would that be? To have followers. Like Jesus does.)

(Not that I'm comparing myself to Jesus.)

(Even though that would be awesome, too.)

Every time I get new followers (and you can ask D. This actually happens.) I'm all, "They LIKE ME! The INTERNET LIKES ME!" And then I usually feel like making out with someone, and D's RIGHT THERE, so I'm all, "Let's make out!" and D's all, "Thank you, Internet!"

Or something like that.

Anyway.

Have you seen the episode of Friends with the List of 5? 5 celebrities you'd be allowed to sleep with, given the opportunity, no questions asked? D and I have. . .oddly frequent conversations about the List of 5.

Now, in the interest of full-disclosure, since I do have a penchant for the ladies, I actually get a List of 10 -- 5 dudes and 5 dudettes. I had to fight for this, but in the end, D saw my point. Sometimes he still insists he should also get 10, but for now, he gets his 5. But in the interest of keeping things hetero, I'm just talking about my List of 5 Dudes.

D knows most of these, so it's not at all awkward that I know he'll read this.

I should also note that. . .really and truly, I have no desire to ACTUALLY sleep with any of these people. Because I think that would be awkward. But those are the rules of the game.

Also. . .I have a friend that, toward the beginning of her relationship with her husband, said, "I'm so in love with (the guy) that I don't even LOOK at other guys anymore."

I did not say this at the time, but I'll say it now: That's crap. You never stop LOOKING. You stop acting upon things when you're with someone you want to be with, but just because you've found love (or whatever), that doesn't mean that you completely cease to notice that other people exist. You might even develop a harmless crush on someone. Doesn't mean you love your person any less. It just means you are human. So none of my 5 mean anything about the state of my relationship with D. It just means that there are some very, very pretty men out there in Hollywoodland, and I notice that they are pretty.

The top 2 are people who are always on my list. The rest rotate sometimes. That kind of defeats the purpose of a list, but WHATEVER.

So without more rambling further ado, Sarah's List of 5 (This week):

1. Billie Joe Armstrong

via Google Images

This guy here? Has been my boyfriend since roughly 2001. He's all dark haired, eye-linered, punk rock hotness. This is one of two guys that, when D sees them on TV, he goes, "Oh. There's your boyfriend." Yeah, he's obnoxiously political, but I feel like, as long as he doesn't talk? I'm good to go.

I also (kind of ironically) love that he and his wife have been together as long as they have. And also that one of their kids has the middle name "Danger." Homeboy can LITERALLY say, "Yeah, Danger is my middle name." Awesome.

2. Alec Baldwin

via Google Images

Yes, I realize this is an older picture, but it makes more sense, I think, if you start there. Alec Baldwin has something weirdly appealing about him, although I think a lot of it comes from his character on "30 Rock," which I LOVE. He's older man hot, and I'm into that. Obviously.

I said something about A.Bal to my father a while back, and I think he completely misses the point of the List of 5.

Me: I kind of love Alec Baldwin.

Dad: His politics are ridiculous. I hate him.

Me: I don't really care about his politics. I like his work.

Dad: He was a jerk to his daughter.

Me: I'm not looking to marry the guy or have any of his children so he can treat them badly as well! I'm talking about him being a good-looking guy. Also, he's a good actor.

Dad: Well, he's a jerk.

Me: You don't have to be a nice person to do your job. I've known a lot of jerk doctors, but they still do what needs to be done.

Dad: I hate Alec Baldwin.

So there's that. Point of that being, I guess, I should never invite A.Bal over to Dad's for dinner.

And speaking of hot older men:

3. Richard Gere

via Google Images

This guy's just got it going on. He's sensitive! He's snarky! He's a mother-effing SILVER FOX! (Did you SEE him in "Chicago"?) I love this guy. Incidentally, you know how when some people make certain faces, or look at you a certain way, they look like someone famous? D sometimes looks like Richard Gere. I'm just sayin'.

4. Nathan Fillion

via Google Images

This guy is adorable. He's never not cute, in anything he's ever been in. In the show "Castle"? Adorable. In "Desperate Housewives"? Adorable. In "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog"? Adorable AND funny. This guy's a win-win-win. He was added to my list around the time "Waitress" came out. Love this guy.

And finally. . .

5. Carrot Top

via Google Images

5. Carrot Top Demitri Martin

via Google Images

Demitri Martin, actually, is the third person that D consistently refers to as My Boyfriend, and I can't believe I almost forgot him. This guy? Is hysterical. Freaking hysterical. The kind of comedy that it takes you 2 seconds to realize why what he said is funny, but when you do, you laugh your ass off. Smart comedy.

Plus, um, he's hot. Like. . .super hot. Funny and hot. Nice.

So there's my 5, 3 of which remain consistent. So you guys tell me: who would YOUR 5 be?

The One With a Boring Question and a Sad Movie

Follow my list here.

Day 05 -- your favorite quote

This prompt isn't as interesting to me as the others. I know some people walk around with many contemplative quotes in their arsenal, but I do not. I can quote TV shows (The Office and Friends, mainly), but I don't have a specific quote that I always go back to.

The one I put in the yearbook my senior year was from "American Beauty." It's the part where Kevin Spacey starts in on his "I'm going to get hot so I can do my daughter's friend" kick, and he says, "It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself." I've always liked that, but I wouldn't go so far as to call it my favorite.

How about my favorite thing that was said to me in time of crisis?

I used to work at a newspaper, as you may or may not know. I was in charge of the Life section. . .you know, human interest stories, births, deaths, engagements, weddings, etc. There was this woman who came in to talk to me because I'd. . .I can't remember specifically. I'd either forgotten to put in the story about her grandson (who was in the military) or I'd messed it up or something. I'd effed up the story, in short.

So she came in and tore me a new one. I'd been on the job. . .MAYBE 2 months. My boss was sort of sadistic, so screwing up meant fear.

After she finished yelling at me, and I'd apologized profusely and maybe cried (No, I don't think I cried. Much. While she was standing there.) she got a lot nicer, and she said, "Dear, just remember one thing. The people who don't make mistakes are the one who aren't actually doing anything at all."

I've remembered that since then. It doesn't really make me feel better when I'm messing up a batch of cupcakes or getting fired from said newspaper job or getting into an argument, but I thought it was nice of her to say that.

D and I started watching "Up!" last night and I did. not. like. it. Karen had told me that when she watched it, she'd cried, so I thought, OK, it's a happy movie where someone is in peril, but it all works out in the end in a joyous sort of manner.

Not so, my friends. Not so AT ALL. (If you haven't seen it and want to skip over this next part, I understand. <>

We didn't actually get to the end of the movie (fell asleep), but the beginning of it involved getting all invested in this couple that met as kids, grew up, got married, lived a happy life until the wife, who the guy loves so much. . .DIES. She effing DIES. And then he gets depressed and hits a construction worker who hits his mailbox that he and his wife put up many, many years ago, and gets sent to an old folks' home. < /spoilers>

WHAT the WHAT?!

This is a freaking kid's movie. (Actually. . .come to think of it, I guess there were plenty of horrifying deaths in kids' movies of my day. But STILL!) I did not put in a colorful, cutesy-looking movie to cry.

And cry I did.

I cried through I'm pretty sure the first third of the movie. And then finally, blessedly, I fell asleep. I have no idea how it ends, and I don't want to watch it again to find out. I'm a super-sensitive person anyway, but give me something like that, and I'm just a mess.

It was like:

D: Are you OK?

Me: (sobbing) IIIIII dooooon't liiiiiiiike thiiiiiiiiis! (more sobbing)

What I'm thinking (but didn't verbalize, because OBVIOUSLY) was along the lines of "Oh my God, there's this age difference between us and you're going to die and I'm going to be all alooooooooone!" or "Why didn't WE meet when we were kids? I'm not going to have enough time with you and I'll be all aloooooooooone!"

(Of course. . .we couldn't have met when we were kids. But that's not the point.)

All I'm saying here is that I don't appreciate Pixar and their mean "Hey, this is a cartoon, but it's going to throw you into the PITS OF DEPRESSION!"

(Apparently, it has a happy ending. So why didn't they START with the happy?)

The One With (Some Of) My Favorite Movie(s)

I started doing a list of things (see: here). Here is thing number two:

Day 02: Your favorite movie*

Much like with the songs, I don't have a favorite movie. I love movies, and have (if I do say so myself) a pretty good and extensive collection at home. I have old movies, romantic comedies, action movies, great movies, terrible movies, gay movies, old movies. . .Pretty much everything. A couple of my favorites, though. . .

1. Pulp Fiction

Pulp Fiction (the movie after which my blog AND Twitter name are named) is one of my favorite movies of all time. Yes, the profanity flows freely, and yes, there are some pretty violent moments, but on the whole, it's incredible, if you can keep up with the intersection storylines. Plus, Uma Thurman is basically a goddess in this movie, so there's that. And John Travolta is badass and someone I'd want to hang out with. If I were into hanging out with contract killers. (I'm not.)

2. American Psycho 2

This? Is a bad movie. I mean it. is. a. BAD MOVIE. The dialogue is terrible, there's no real plot to speak of, it only marginally has anything to do with American Psycho the original, there are plot holes wide enough to drive. . .it's basically laughably bad. I've never seen American Psycho, but from what I understand, it's pretty gruesome. The worst thing that happens in this movie (SPOILER ALERT!) is that you see a woman who has hanged herself (. . .or DID she?), and you see some brain matter on a plaque.

Um, OK, that's actually kind of gross. But it's nowhere near gruesome.

So why, you may ask, is this one of my favorite movies?

Because William freaking Shatner is in it. Also, because it's entertaining in a way that I'm not sure it's intended to be.

Also, contrary to the movie cover, there is no giant hook of any kind involved in anything.

3. Legally Blonde

To round out my Awesome Movie Trifecta, I'm going to include one of my favorites that I'd call a guilty pleasure, if not for the fact that I am willing to tell everyone and their mother how much I love it. Reese Witherspoon is so perfect in this role, and she's adorable to boot. The storyline is kind of like. . .WHAT? But it's awesome. And I also always tear up a little bit when (SPOILER ALERT!) she gets into law school. It's a lovely movie, and any time I turn on the TV and see that it's on, no matter where in the movie I'm coming into it, I have to sit down and watch it. Awesome.

*Yes, I'm aware it's not technically Day 2. The weekend was busy, and I think you'll forgive me.