The One Where I'm Not Working Full-Time

Note: I would like to add two alternates to my List of 5. Matthew Morrison and Justin Timberlake. Thanks.

So last Wednesday was my last day of full-time pseudo-employment. Thank you (THANK YOU!) to the people who left comments, wishing me luck and such. I felt. . .I don't want to say "loved,"

because that's a wee bit dramatic, but I really, really appreciated it. So thank you.

Since Wednesday, I've been. . .admittedly really, really worried about money, because, like when I lost my job in 2009, I had a lot brighter outlook on how soon I could work things out than it turned out to actually be. (That's an awkward sentence. I think you know what I mean, though.)

I have, however, cleaned pretty much the entire apartment, including throwing out a bunch of trash and bringing 3 bags of stuff to Goodwill.

I also made a cake on Sunday. I'd never made a layer cake before, so I used a box mix to practice on. It actually turned out really well. I made two layers of white cake and frosted it with chocolate (also out of a box. Or can.) I also decorated it with this can of yellow frosting D bought me a while back.

It turned out really well. It's almost completely gone, as D came home and had a couple big slices (he was a fan) and I'd eaten pretty much half of the thing since Sunday (thanks, PMS!). D's birthday is coming up soon, so I'll be making another one in the coming days.

I love my library job. Love. It. I worked a full day Saturday and the 8 hours there passed in about half the time that 8 hours passed in my old job. (Not. . .literally, obviously.) I'm going to be working another full day Friday, so that's cool. I've had only one really hateful person I've helped, and on Saturday, we had a guy that was flashing his junk to people in the parking lot, but other than that, it's been basically smooth sailing.

And finally, I bought a dress to get married in! It's not a. . .wedding dress, per se, but it is the dress that I am going to wear when we finally make it legal. I bought it at Goodwill, and I strongly suspect it was, in a former life, someone's bridesmaid's dress. I can't post a picture of it (because I might be getting married in green instead of white, but I still think the guy shouldn't see it prior to the wedding day) but it's like. . .it's what I imagine Tinkerbell's much more conservative sister might wear.

When I brought it to the register, the lady at the counter, who had a Fran Drescher voice and an Amy Winehouse bouffant, was like, "This. . .isn't for a Halloween costume, is it?" I told her it wasn't, and she was visibly relieved.

"I've been worried someone would buy this for a Halloween costume," she told me. "And it's just so pretty."

I told her I was wearing it to get married, and she said, "Oh, HONEY!" and was so excited. She then told me how practical I am, and wished me well.

And that made my afternoon.

Also, side note? It's been raining since D left on Sunday. I'd like to think that now that he's home, it's going to stop.

The One Where I Quit My Job

You all know I have a part-time job at a library. A part-time job that I love and that keeps me from jumping off tall buildings when the time at my full-time job gets to be Way Too Much.

A couple weeks ago, one of the librarians there called me and told me there was a Library Assistant position open, and they wanted me to take it. I was like, "OMG!"

Then came the kicker: it was only part-time, but part-time to the tune of 20 hours a week. So if I kept my day job, I'd be working 60-hour weeks.

I have no problem with working hard. I've DONE 60-hour weeks (Hello, newspaper!). But when I was working 40 hours a week and then an additional 10.5 - 14 at the library, I had to drop one of the days at the library, because it was just too much. Too much physically, mentally, and relationshipally.

So I decided I was going to quit my day job. I was going to quit my day job, take the library job, and hopefully gather many people together who wanted me to do freelance-type things for them. That second part is still a work in progress.

Last Wednesday, the first boss I had (the one that DOESN'T dislike me), came in, and said, "OK, look, [New Boss] wants to hire someone more qualified for your position, so I didn't want you to feel weird when people started coming in and interviewing for your job. Don't tell her I told you."

. . . . .

Beg pardon? I've been in this position since April. New boss has been here about a month, and one of those weeks was a week of vacation. How is you starting here making me any less qualified for the job?

I decided at that moment to give my notice. I said, "Well, actually, that works out, because I have a new job, etc." And I said I'd stay until Friday (this coming), but then I decided, they're not doing ME any favors, I'm going to have Friday completely off.

I also said, "Since I still need to talk to [New Boss] about it, I'd appreciate you not saying anything to her."

So, she's asked me not to tell New Boss she told me all this, I asked her to not tell New Boss that I was going to give my notice.

New Boss walks in from lunch and Old Boss says, "Hey! I told Sarah that we were going to be hiring for her position, but it's OK, because she already has a new job!"

So I guess THAT'S all out in the open.

I've been training the girl taking my place today. Warning her about the ins and outs of this place, telling her what she needs to know, etc.

And now I'm embarking on a scary, scary, maybe not-well-funded journey into librariandom and freelancing.

I worked my first shift at the library last night. That's a story for another time, though. It was epic.

The One With My List of 5

I'd like to say, first of all, HELLO! to my two newest followers.

(Not followers as in, they do everything I say without question, but followers as in, people following my blog.)

(Also, how awesome would that be? To have followers. Like Jesus does.)

(Not that I'm comparing myself to Jesus.)

(Even though that would be awesome, too.)

Every time I get new followers (and you can ask D. This actually happens.) I'm all, "They LIKE ME! The INTERNET LIKES ME!" And then I usually feel like making out with someone, and D's RIGHT THERE, so I'm all, "Let's make out!" and D's all, "Thank you, Internet!"

Or something like that.

Anyway.

Have you seen the episode of Friends with the List of 5? 5 celebrities you'd be allowed to sleep with, given the opportunity, no questions asked? D and I have. . .oddly frequent conversations about the List of 5.

Now, in the interest of full-disclosure, since I do have a penchant for the ladies, I actually get a List of 10 -- 5 dudes and 5 dudettes. I had to fight for this, but in the end, D saw my point. Sometimes he still insists he should also get 10, but for now, he gets his 5. But in the interest of keeping things hetero, I'm just talking about my List of 5 Dudes.

D knows most of these, so it's not at all awkward that I know he'll read this.

I should also note that. . .really and truly, I have no desire to ACTUALLY sleep with any of these people. Because I think that would be awkward. But those are the rules of the game.

Also. . .I have a friend that, toward the beginning of her relationship with her husband, said, "I'm so in love with (the guy) that I don't even LOOK at other guys anymore."

I did not say this at the time, but I'll say it now: That's crap. You never stop LOOKING. You stop acting upon things when you're with someone you want to be with, but just because you've found love (or whatever), that doesn't mean that you completely cease to notice that other people exist. You might even develop a harmless crush on someone. Doesn't mean you love your person any less. It just means you are human. So none of my 5 mean anything about the state of my relationship with D. It just means that there are some very, very pretty men out there in Hollywoodland, and I notice that they are pretty.

The top 2 are people who are always on my list. The rest rotate sometimes. That kind of defeats the purpose of a list, but WHATEVER.

So without more rambling further ado, Sarah's List of 5 (This week):

1. Billie Joe Armstrong

via Google Images

This guy here? Has been my boyfriend since roughly 2001. He's all dark haired, eye-linered, punk rock hotness. This is one of two guys that, when D sees them on TV, he goes, "Oh. There's your boyfriend." Yeah, he's obnoxiously political, but I feel like, as long as he doesn't talk? I'm good to go.

I also (kind of ironically) love that he and his wife have been together as long as they have. And also that one of their kids has the middle name "Danger." Homeboy can LITERALLY say, "Yeah, Danger is my middle name." Awesome.

2. Alec Baldwin

via Google Images

Yes, I realize this is an older picture, but it makes more sense, I think, if you start there. Alec Baldwin has something weirdly appealing about him, although I think a lot of it comes from his character on "30 Rock," which I LOVE. He's older man hot, and I'm into that. Obviously.

I said something about A.Bal to my father a while back, and I think he completely misses the point of the List of 5.

Me: I kind of love Alec Baldwin.

Dad: His politics are ridiculous. I hate him.

Me: I don't really care about his politics. I like his work.

Dad: He was a jerk to his daughter.

Me: I'm not looking to marry the guy or have any of his children so he can treat them badly as well! I'm talking about him being a good-looking guy. Also, he's a good actor.

Dad: Well, he's a jerk.

Me: You don't have to be a nice person to do your job. I've known a lot of jerk doctors, but they still do what needs to be done.

Dad: I hate Alec Baldwin.

So there's that. Point of that being, I guess, I should never invite A.Bal over to Dad's for dinner.

And speaking of hot older men:

3. Richard Gere

via Google Images

This guy's just got it going on. He's sensitive! He's snarky! He's a mother-effing SILVER FOX! (Did you SEE him in "Chicago"?) I love this guy. Incidentally, you know how when some people make certain faces, or look at you a certain way, they look like someone famous? D sometimes looks like Richard Gere. I'm just sayin'.

4. Nathan Fillion

via Google Images

This guy is adorable. He's never not cute, in anything he's ever been in. In the show "Castle"? Adorable. In "Desperate Housewives"? Adorable. In "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog"? Adorable AND funny. This guy's a win-win-win. He was added to my list around the time "Waitress" came out. Love this guy.

And finally. . .

5. Carrot Top

via Google Images

5. Carrot Top Demitri Martin

via Google Images

Demitri Martin, actually, is the third person that D consistently refers to as My Boyfriend, and I can't believe I almost forgot him. This guy? Is hysterical. Freaking hysterical. The kind of comedy that it takes you 2 seconds to realize why what he said is funny, but when you do, you laugh your ass off. Smart comedy.

Plus, um, he's hot. Like. . .super hot. Funny and hot. Nice.

So there's my 5, 3 of which remain consistent. So you guys tell me: who would YOUR 5 be?

The One Where Oprah May or May Not Be Satan

First of all, my posting was featured on Mushroom Printing today! Yay!

I'd mentioned a while back that I was reading the Kitty Kelley biography of Oprah. I finished it last week, and, I have to say, I'm not the least bit surprised at what I read.

I have never liked Oprah. Ever. She had, basically, trashy TV, and then she tried to go all new-agey and "I'll help you help yourself" and while telling people they needed to be healthy, her own personal weight ballooned up and down, effectively making her a hypocrite. Plus, she puts HERSELF on the cover of all of her magazines. I know other people do that, too (Hello, Rachael Ray! Hi, Martha Stewart!), but Martha doesn't do it always, and Rachael is. . .Rachael.

Nothing about Oprah seems sincere, and yeah, she gives money to people and charities, but she also makes sure everyone KNOWS she's giving money to people and charities. She's all, "I know how you FEEL," when talking to poor/downtrodden/whatever people, but y'all? Oprah has not been poor in about 50 years, and she is most certainly NOT downtrodden. She always pulls the race card, but no one's going to say "Boo!" to Oprah.

The book, while not particularly well-written, was interesting and plenty salacious. Obviously, the things written in it are not un-true, because you know if they had been, Kitty Kelley would be sued for everything she's worth and the book would have been yanked off of bookshelves.

So the conclusion that I can come to is that Oprah is just as nasty as I always thought she was.

Then there's the point of this. Oprah's Book Club.

I'm one of those people that, when something I like gets really popular, I'm like, "Dude. . .no." Because what happens then is that people think you like it because of other people liking it, and not because you discovered it first.

I've read a couple of the books on Oprah's list, either not knowing they were on her list, or before they were on her list. Most of them were pretty good. (Except for "Eat, Pray, Love," but that is another post in and of itself.)

I got an e-mail from the library today with the heading "Somebody peeked in the Oprah box!" (which. . .FYI. . .THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!) It was a link to an AP article about how the Associated Press had bought a copy of the book with the "Oprah's (effin') Book Club" sticker on it, so people already knew what the book was, even though it wasn't "announced" until today (Friday.)

The e-mail was talking about how many more copies of the book we'd need, etc.

Then a second e-mail came, talking (complaining) about how, logistically, it's always a nightmare when Oprah announces her books.

I went to the hold system at 2:27 p.m. to see how many holds had been put on the book. There were 330. Right now, at 3:42, there are 347. It'll break 400 by the end of the day, I promise.

This bugs me. Why are people such sheep? Why do so many people worship at the Church of Oprah? What makes her any more special than anyone else?

It bugs me because she KNOWS she has this effect. It bugs me because I don't understand why.

I, for one, will not be reading this book. Mainly because it sounds dumb to me. But also because Oprah recommended "Eat, Pray, Love" and we all know how THAT turned out.

All I'm really saying is that anyone with THAT MUCH mind control over THAT MANY people? Has to be evil.

EDIT: It's 3:46. There are now 350 holds.

The One Where I Boycott Things

I'm all about making a statement. If I think something's unfair, I'll say, "Hey! That's not fair!"

Or if I think something's offensive, I'll be like, "Hey! That's offensive!"

Yesterday, D and I went to this Chinese place near here. We each got the lunch special, which was like $5. Then, thanks to hot mustard (mine) and General Tso's chicken (D's), we got thirsty. D went up to get a tea and maybe a Diet Coke, and the lady was all, "No debit card purchases under $5." And D's like, "I don't have cash, and we just spent a collective $10." And she's all, "No."

(I found out later that technically, stores aren't allowed to do that. They're supposed to take cards for any amount, and that if a store sets a minimum? That's not really allowed. Unfortunately, most credit card companies won't do anything about it, even if you complain.)

So D's pissed. Ultimately, he went to the Food Lion next door and bought two bottles of water, but I don't think we're going to be going back to that particular Chinese place.

That got me thinking about boycotting things. I have a few things I'm currently boycotting, and now I can add that place to the list. Following are my Things I'm Boycotting:

1) That Chinese Place

2) The Bruegger's Bagels in Wake Forest (This is because of terrible, terrible service, and the fact that it's full of rude, snotty people.)

3) Any movie containing Matthew McConaughey (Because OBVIOUSLY!)

4) The morning show "Bob and the Showgram" on one of the radio stations in town.

This one has more of a history. Bob is obnoxious. I can't stand him. His co-host, Mike, is obnoxious, and thinks he's awesome. He's not. They do stupid, stupid things on the show that insult my intelligence anyway. This one morning, they're talking about. . .something, I don't even remember, and the girl co-host, Kristin, was like, "Well, Bob, you think all women are prostitutes anyway." And Bob's all, "Yeah, that's true."

As soon as those words left his mouth, I flipped the station. I was really, really insulted by that, and I didn't even need to know his reason. D's like, "What was that for?" and I said, "I'm not listening to this show anymore. I'm boycotting it." And I have. I have not listened to the show since that day, which was probably in June or July.

I found out later that the reasoning behind that was that Bob feels women don't have sex ever except to gain something, whether immediately, or in the future. Coming from a man who, admittedly, has sex like once a month? Bob needs to SHUT HIS WHORE MOUTH. After finding out the explanation, I'm glad I stopped listening. It's such a popular show that it's not like one person not listening is going to make a difference, but it makes me feel better.

5) BP (I accidentally typed "BO." I guess I'm boycotting that, too.)

6) Family Guy

Now this one, I've never shared, but I'm doing it now. I was up visiting my cousin and her husband a few months back, and her husband (Frank) and I were watching Family Guy. Carrie'd already gone to bed.

In this particular episode, Stewie (the baby) fell down the stairs and was comatose from what was obviously a Traumatic Brain Injury. The entire episode, it was this joke that Brian (the dog) was trying to keep everyone from finding out what had happened. Through it all, the baby is not moving, not responding, etc.

At the end, the mother is backing out of the driveway, and the father, who has since realized the baby is brain-damaged, throws the baby under the car so it looks like the mother has damaged her baby by running over him. Then she's all, "Oh! We can cover this up!"

Some of you might remember my cousin, John, who was in a car accident last Christmas and who himself received a TBI. Unlike the cartoon character, John isn't going to be OK by the next episode. There is nothing at all funny about a kid with a brain injury.

So that's why I'm boycotting Family Guy. Because every time I am around John for extended periods of time, I'm weepy for a week afterwards. Because it's just not fair. At all.

I still have the FG DVDs I bought, but I need to get rid of them, I think. I've been watching what I recognize to be older episodes when I see them on TV, but I feel like that's a cop-out boycott. If I'm going to say I don't appreciate something, I should probably not appreciate it in its entirety.

So. . .if anyone needs the first two box sets of Family Guy DVDs. . .

The One With a Follow-Up on Fake Pregnancies

I wasn't going to mention this because, as I told D, "I KNOW I was right. I don't need to tell everyone." But this? Is about so much more than me being right. It's been eating at me since it happened. Let me explain.

Remember the dramatic, over-sharing girl? I didn't say all this on that posting, because I was afraid of karma, but I told both my cousin Carrie (who knows this girl) and D that I knew, I just KNEW, that she would traumatically "lose" her (non-existent) "baby." JUST IN CASE I was wrong, I didn't want to put that out there in the blogosphere.

But last night? I found this was her facebook status: (I'd checked it with the sole purpose of finding out if she was still "pregnant," because even though there was no reason to worry about anything at all, she was going on and on about how "worried" she was something was wrong.)

"Okay so no more baby. Maybe it is for the best so we can both move on with our lives. :("

I call shenanigans. You'd be a little more upset than THAT if you lost a baby. She follows a comment someone left her up with "It is really hard but I know it is probably for the best. I feel like my child has just been ripped from my arms and there is nothing I can do about it but I also know that right now was not the best time for either one of us to have a baby. Maybe one day I will look back and be happy that things turned out the way they did but for right now I am very very sad and hurt."

I am not personally close with anyone who has lost a baby, but considering how many blogs I read, I've come across quite a few sites, dedicated to the memories of lost unborn babies. From what I understand, that? Is something you are not ever "happy" about. That burned me. Especially when one of her friends expressed sympathy, and said girl says, "Thanks. Next time I'm in NC, we will have to have lunch with those adorable babies!" (Her friend's babies.)

Think. . .you've just lost a kid. How anxious are you to get together with someone with healthy babies?

Her "baby's" "father"? Hasn't even mentioned it. He's just talking about how his new girlfriend is The One.

A mere 24 hours after "losing" her "baby" she says, "I'm planning on having a really productive day today! Wish me luck!"

People like this girl? And the ones that have faked cancer to get sympathy/money/a house paid for? Make me sick. I'm an attention whore. I'll admit that. But never, EVER would I attention whore make up something like this. Not only is it bad karma, but it's deceptively and unfairly tugging on people's heartstrings.

At least one person has said, "Well, there's a small chance that all this really did happen to her." OK. A small chance. Maybe 2%. But judging from her drama-laden background, I'm going to guess that, no. There was never a baby. I also take this from the fact that on Friday when she was "having trouble" with the "baby," the medical terminology and what she said was wrong didn't make any sense at all. None.

So for all the real mothers who have honestly lost a baby? And who have to go through life thinking about that? I give this girl a giant slap across her effing dramatic face. And she deserves more. But it's not worth my time.

The One Where I'm Socially Awkward Sometimes

I am feeling more awkward at this moment than any human being has a right to feel.

First of all, I have some. . .aspects of my personality that I have, previously, thought could be attributed to being autistic. Then I did some research (Thanks, hypochondriac-ism!) and found out that it's a thing that's diagnosed in childhood, and not in adulthood. I, admittedly, don't know a whole lot about it, and it is the furthest thing from my mind to insult anyone who actually has to deal with things of this nature, but, you know, you don't know unless you ask. Or, in my case, research.

I just find that a lot of things that happen to me in social situations are largely unexplainable, unless the explanation is that I'm just really, really awkward. I mentioned this to my mother a while back, and said something like, "Well, that's just because I'm socially awkward," and she's all, "Um, no you're not."

I feel like she has No Idea.

I guess the difference is that I am (sometimes) able to curb the awkward, pretending like I'm super-comfortable in social situations, when, in fact, I'd honestly rather be at home, by myself or with D, making Candy Sushi, which I will, in fact, be doing tonight. I guess if there were something, legitimately, physically (or mentally?) wrong with me, I wouldn't be able to fake it.

A lot of the symptoms (granted, they show up in kids, but I don't have anything else to go on), fit me. Stuff like autistic (children) may: (and I got all this from here)

* Be overly sensitive in sight, hearing, touch, smell, or taste;

* Have unusual distress when routines are changed;

* May not respond to eye contact;

* Prefer to spend time alone, rather than with others;

* May find normal noises painful;

* May withdraw from physical contact because it is overstimulating or overwhelming;

* Gets stuck on a single topic or task;

* Has a short attention span;

* And so on.

I don't know. Obviously, I don't have this particular issue, but it WOULD explain weird behaviors sometimes, and would further explain why, in social situations, I find myself just not sure what to do or responding inappropriately. And then you throw in my OCD, and I find myself feeling uncomfortably, intensely horrible when I realize I've done something in a non-social normy kind of way. It tortures me.

If I DID have autism, it might also explain being unapproachable, which D mentioned today. That wasn't the first time I've heard that, but I think of myself as pretty friendly, especially at work, and it just kind of sucks that other people don't see me the same way I see me. But I really don't have any excuse except being. . .unapproachable, and apparently, unfriendly. (I'll get to that in a minute.)

Reminds me of about. . .12 years ago, I guess, when my mom's neighbors had their granddaughter over for a few days. She was my age, and I was introduced to her, and she and I hung out while she was there. The last day of her trip, we were sitting on the front stoop, and she was like, "You know, when I first saw you, you didn't look very interesting or very much fun. But you are!"

A compliment, ultimately, sure. But damn. I don't look very interesting, I don't look like very much fun, I'm not approachable, I'm intimidating, I'm not very pretty (thanks, guy in my Sociology class), and as a child, I had ears the size of small satellites. (OK, no one ACTUALLY ever said that to me, but I have photographic evidence, yo!) I do actually have a few friends here and here, and D's not someone I made up, so obviously, people like me a little sometimes. It's just. . .hard to acknowledge that you come across as so completely different than you think you do.

All this being said, I'm finally getting to the reason I feel so awkward right now.

Three people at work are leaving/have left this week and next. This one guy who, I wasn't FRIENDS with, per se, but with whom I had a healthy rapport was heading out. He stopped at the door and turned back to say bye to me. He comes up to my window, shakes me hand, and says, "Take care, Sarah."

And what do I say?

Nothing.

I do not respond whatsoever.

I half-smile at him and shake his hand, but no words come out of my mouth. No, "It's been nice knowing you!" or "Good luck at your new job!"

Nothing.

I stupid half-smile at him and then he turns and walks away, probably thinking to himself, "Wow! How unfriendly and unapproachable is SHE? Plus, her freaking ears stick out halfway from her head!"

And so now I'm sitting here, agonizing about it. I'm probably never going to see this guy again, but somehow, that makes it WORSE. Because now, any time he thinks of his last day here, he's going to be like, "Wow. . .she didn't even say bye!"

(Note: I, in all of my common sense, know that he probably will never think of that exchange again as long as he lives, but tell that to my stupid, stupid BRAIN!)

So after stewing in that for a few minutes, I did what any person in my position would do.

I went to the breakroom and cut myself a slice of his farewell cake.

What did you expect, really?

The One With Too Much Information

I've mentioned, I'm sure, before my love/hate relationship with facebook. I love (or at least like a little) facebook because I hate (hate HATE) talking on the phone, and it allows me to have interaction with people like that girl I had lunch with that one time on a second grade field trip. Lifelong Friends, you know what I'm sayin'?

Recently, I went through a major clean-out of my facebook friends. I, at one point, had almost 600 "friends." Then I began realizing that a few of them were just people I flat out didn't like, a bunch of them were people I only knew peripherally, and the rest I used to care about, but now do not. Now, I think I have. . .200-ish? And these people fall into the following categories:

1) Family

2) People I actually like (some from Category 1 cross over into Category 2.)

3) People I keep on my list because I might one day need something (An example of this is the class president from high school. . .he sent out the invitation for the 5-year class reunion on facebook, so I'm certain he'll do the same thing for reunion years that I GIVE a crap about.)

. . .and finally

4) People whose lives are such a train wreck that I have to keep them on my list just for my fill of drama that I'm not involved in (some from Categories 1, 2, and 3 are also on this list.)

The people in Category 4 are those people that, despite leaving them on my list, I don't really understand. The people who put every. single. thing. that happens to them on facebook. The kind of people you have to take off your feed because if you don't, it looks like:

9:44 a.m. Sally McOvershare is in the bathroom.

9:53 a.m. Sally McOvershare just took the best crap of her life! LOLz!

10:01 a.m. Sally McOvershare can't decide what she wants for breakfast.

10:15 a.m. Sally McOvershare decided to have waffle and bacon for breakfast LOL!

10:32 a.m. Sally McOvershare is having the WORST CRAMPS EVER! PMS is THE WORST! Like this status if you agree!!!1!!!1!1!!1!1!!

Stuff like that.

What gets even more interesting, though, is when you get someone who feels like facebook is actually called dramabook, and they tell you more than you. . .ever cared to know about their personal life.

8:34 p.m. Kelsey von Info-Overload can't believe her baby's daddy isn't going to pay child support this month.

9:48 p.m. Kelsey von Info-Overload is sooooo mad that she can't have sex tonight!

10:03 p.m. Kelsey von Info-Overload is thinking of calling social services on her child's father! What kind of ass-jerk doesn't even come over when he says he's going to? I can't believe I ever had sex with that guy!

11:06 p.m. Kelsey von Info-Overload just talked to her son's father. We fought, but then decided to have sex. I may have forgotten to take my Pill today. OOOppps! LOL!

You know. . .stuff like that.

There's this girl I know. . .I'll call her Pat. Pat has, in the last 2 years, broken up with her kids' father, her kids' father has gotten into a new relationship, she moved to Oklahoma to be with some guy, they broke up, her kids' father took the kids, which may or may not have been court-mandated, she moved again, she got into a relationship with this guy who finalized his divorce on July 13, they broke up because he's got a new girlfriend, and oh yeah, she's pregnant with his baby now, but she's decided to keep it.

What you may or may not be interested in knowing is that I haven't talked to this girl since approximately February of 2009. So how do I know all this?

Because she posts her entire life on facebook.

Every time she was mad at her Baby Daddy, it went on facebook. Their fights went on facebook. The fights they got in on facebook were then commented upon by their family members.

He posted, when he got divorced, "yay! i'm finally divorced!" This was the slew of comments that ensued (these are verbatim, so misspellings and egregious uses of punctuation and grammar are NOT because of me:

Girl 1: Really? OFicially??

Girl 2: what?! wow!!! it's about damn time too!!!

The Guy: yep i'm officially free. . .kinda :)

Girl 1: your not free by ANYYY means! and your both already planning new weddings?!? ya'll are nuts (I'd like to comment here that it makes me CRAZY when people spell y'all like that. CRAZY. Do people not know BASIC RULES OF CONTRACTIONS?!)

"Pat": We're not planning yet! he still can't get married for six months!

Girl 1: GOOD! I know your smitten but trust me...(GUY'S NAME)??! lmao. JK what day are you guys leaving me again?

"Pat": The 29th! We just packed up the kitchen!

Guy's Mom: You are far from Free! Every time you are around I become Broke!!! LOL

The Guy: ha ha love you mom :)

So, I mean. . .Not only is it bad spelling and punctuation. . .it's just too much information! Friends contributing to it, etc. Pat couldn't have just said, "haha, no, no wedding planning!" She had to get all specific.

The Guy is in a new relationship now anyway, after having broken up with Pat. . .on August 11, the new girlfriend was leaving little hearts on his status updates, at the same time Pat was, on August 18, they were all lovey dovey, and on August 29, New Girlfriend was saying what a great night they had together. So. . .somewhere in there.

My point is, I shouldn't KNOW ALL THIS. One might argue that I don't have to read it, and that's true, but it's really just my desire to see drama that doesn't involve me unfold. It's like celebrity gossip. Except celebrities? They just do things and people find out about it. With facebook, people do things NO ONE has to know about, but they feel the need to tell you about it anyway.

I realize this is getting all rambly, but one more thing I want to share. Facebook also brings out the idiot in already idiotic people. Pat updated (after she told everyone she was pregnant) saying, "I feel so horrible. I just wanna be able to eat a good size meal again!" and the guy who got her pregnant was all, "Lol sorry!!!"

My final thought is I KNOW why people do stuff like that. . .put their dirty laundry on facebook. Because they want the attention. In my opinion, this girl is a freaking idiot. She's a trainwreck anyway, and now she's bringing a new baby into that mess. But all her friends are all, "You're sooo brave!" "You're soooo heroic."

No. You guys? It takes no heroism to have sex without protection, and it take no bravery to have to deal with your mistakes. It's just something you DO. There are exceptions, obviously, but in this case? I have all ideas this was no accident, and now she's attention whoring it up.

The point of all this was, your dirty laundry should stay in the hamper.

The One With the Walk-a-thon Kickoff

As most of you know (a few of you don't, I guess), I have Type 1 Diabetes. I'm fairly sure I've referenced this before, but I can't think of a particular entry in which I talked about it. So this one will be that.

I was diagnosed with diabetes in October of 1989. For those of you doing the math, this means that this October will be the 21st anniversary of the diagnosis. (Hey! My diabetes can legally drink!) I started out on 3 shots a day, then went down to 2, and then back up to 3 when, in 1999, I got my insulin pump. It's made stuff a lot easier, needless to say.

Type I diabetes is different than the diabetes you normally hear about in the news. The more "popular" type, Type 2, is (according to the Mayo Clinic Web site) known as adult-onset or noninsulin-dependent diabetes, and is a chronic condition that affects the way your body metabolizes sugar (glucose), your body's main source of fuel.

Type I (the type I have) is known as "juvenile-onset diabetes," since MOST of the time, it is diagnosed in young children. This isn't ALWAYS the case, however, as D as has a friend that I believe was in her 30's when she was diagnosed, and I heard today of someone who was 16. Still a child, yes, but diagnosed later than many.

Type I diabetes is a little more complicated than Type II and is much more rare. Of all of the diabetics in the world, less than 5% of those are afflicted with Type I. What Type I is, for those of you who wonder, is actually an autoimmune disease. That means that the immune system mistakes something that's supposed to be there (i.e. my pancreas and its insulin-producing beta cells) for something bad, and it attacks it. Hence, my pancreas doesn't do what it's supposed to.

D and I (we make up a "family team") went to the Team Captain's Lunch today for this year's Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation walk-a-thon. We were served. . .I'm not quite sure what, but it involved chicken salad and pasta salad, and a bunch of leafy greens that cost probably more than I could afford for as many people as were there. Some people, including one of our local newscasters, gave presentations, and there were several points where I'm pretty sure some people did or almost did cry.

I don't really feel like I need to go into as much detail as I was going to about the lunch itself (although, fun tidbit, I did run into one of my favorite teachers from high school, who is apparently pregnant and due on Saturday. Awesome!) but I want to do that thing that some bloggers do that some other bloggers hate, but we do it anyway, because we're talking about a cause we believe in.

Our team goal is to raise $500. I'm 100% certain we can beat this (maybe even double it!), but obviously, D and I can't do it alone. I'm aware that not every hit on my blog is from a new person, but if every time someone clicked on my page, they donated $1 to the JDRF, I'd have almost $3,000 to give on the day of the walk, which is Saturday, October 30, 2010. This is, incidentally, also my 26th birthday. (Yes, I'm aware that I've referenced my own birthday in the last 2 updates I've made, but this has been completely unintentional. Sorry.)

I'm going to give you guys a link, and that's this one. If you find it within yourself to donate even a dollar toward this walk, I (and the millions of people suffering from Type I diabetes) would really, really appreciate it. If you're someone I know In Real Life, I will also be sending you an e-mail in the near future, so sorry to inundate you with info for this. I would just like to raise an eff-ton of money this year. Apparently, North Carolina raised $7 million for this last year. How badass is that?

I'm also going to be putting the link at the bottom of posts until Oct. 30 and, if I can figure out how, I'll put something on my sidebar. Don't worry. I won't let you forget. :)

And thank you, thank you, thank you!

The One With the Second Gay Book Club Meeting

Had my second Gay Book Club meeting a couple weeks back and it was, as is to be expected, something worth making commentary on.

D and I got to the Busy Bee Cafe early. D's been carless for. . .a while now, so we pretty much have to either travel everywhere in a pack, or someone sits at home, unable to go anywhere except to the places of business within walking distance. This place was NOT within walking distance.

We'd been arguing about. . .something, I don't even remember, and we'd just grudgingly ended the argument, so we're sitting there, tersely, with our respective beers when Charles walks in, carrying his copy of the book, and a giant fruit tart.

Yeah, a giant fruit tart.

Turns out, when I'd RSVP'd for the October book club meeting, and I'd made reference to the fact that the meeting would take place the day before my birthday. Charles had mis-read what I'd said and thought that THAT day was the day before my birthday. So he brought me a celebratory fruit tart.

How awesome is that? Seriously. I've met this guy once, and he's bringing me birthday fruit tarts. Very sweet.

So we stand there for a few minutes, until 6:30, when we're supposed to start, and NO ONE ELSE has shown up. I introduce Charles to D, who is working on something for one of his clients, they make small talk, and then we decide that probably no one else is coming. Book club members be damned! We're going to sit and have a couple of beers, maybe some dinner, and we're going to talk about this book.

Now, if you'll recall, this is an LGBT book club. D, bless his heart, who is neither L, G, B, OR T (Just D), was all, "Hey. I'll join you!"

So he did.

We sat and talked some about the book (which I didn't like, Charles liked mostly, and D had not read) until this other guy showed up. I THINK his name was Derek. He was very proper. Nice enough. Just very proper.

We sat there, talking about the book, drinking beers, and eating hummus. The hummus was pretty good. Needed some more flavor, though.

(I'm realizing at this point that this story is not as interesting as I'd initially thought. Sorry.)

We ordered dinner. Charles had the "Hot" Ham Sandwich (ham with gouda, jalapenos, sweet potato paste stuff and arugula) which he said wasn't actually that hot. Derek(?) had a hamburger. He told the waitress, "When I say 'nothing but cheese' I mean I want nothing on it but cheese. No vegetables. No onions. No lettuce. Just. Cheese. Do you understand?"

Yikes.

D and I split a burger. The burger itself was really good. It was a "Tom & Jack" burger (with pepperjack cheese and fried green tomatoes). I wasn't too thrilled with the fried green tomatoes, but at least now I can say I've tried them.

And then there was the fruit tart.

My God, I love a fruit tart.

We stayed until 9:30 or 10, and then headed home (with the leftover fruit tart). D charmed the gay menz, and a good time was had by all.

Hopefully next time, when we read this book, there will be more people. It was fun with 4, though.

Also, I'm supposed to pick the book for November, and I haven't come up with anything yet. Any suggestions? (It doesn't have to be LGBT-centered, by the way.)

The One With Things to Buy

In my Gmail account, I have 71 folders into which I place various e-mails.

This seems excessive, yes. But I have so many recipes I save, I need to separate them. Of those 71, 31 of them are directly food-related.

One of these folders, which I hadn't opened for a while prior to today, is called "Things to Buy." It is. . .exactly what it sounds like. Things I'd love to have but don't have the money for, or things I'd like to give as gifts, or things that are cool but that I'll likely NEVER own, or whatever.

I'd like to share some cool things here. I won't do all of them (since I have 26 things in the folder and that would get long and more tedious than usual.) I guess I'm supposed to put some kind of disclaimer: I was not paid or given anything in return for putting these products here. They're just stuff I found on my own and thought were cool. Now, if a company wants to send me free stuff, I'll GLADLY take it. But that has not happened here.

Thing To Buy Number 1:

Exotic Earphones from Geek Stuff 4 U

How cute are these earphones? The Web site they're on lists the price in Yen, so it looks like an eff-ton of money, but it converts to like $20 a pair. Those are, in case you can't tell, a banana, sushi, a cat paw, and a bolt. I'd like to have either the sushi ones or the bolt ones. The downside is that the sushi ones have the potential of just looking like you have Gross Things in your ears, and the bolt one would make you look like Frankenstein's Monster. Which, actually, might be more of a pro than a con.

Thing To Buy Number 2:

Message-in-a-Cookie Cutters from Williams-Sonoma

These, I freaking LOVE. You can pretty much put any message you want into cookies. Besides the obvious "Happy Birthday" or "I Love You" cookies, you can do what I think many companies overlook: give sad cookies. It's kind of like Demitri Martin said: "Cake is the only food we write on. It’s always encouraging like, “Happy Birthday, Leo!” “Congratulations, Eric!” I feel like we’re missing an opportunity. I’m talking about negative cakes: “Surprise, You’re Adopted!” ‘Cause that’s when you want cake!"

I'm thinking this could be a whole new thing. Cookies for Sad Occasions. Cookies that say, "I'm leaving you. Goodbye." Or "I quit." Or something. When you're given a cookie this cute, you can only be so mad or so sad for long. Because then you can just eat cookies. The con, though, might be that I feel the letters might smoosh together during baking, and then you'll have someone saying, "I eavng ou? What?"

Thing To Buy #3:

The Recovery Bracelet from Femail Creations (Yes, I spelled this correctly.)

This? Is gorgeous. I love the shape and I love the colors. The point of it is to represent. . .well, I'll let the Web site description speak for itself:

"Each bracelet is handmade and individual and acts as a comforting reminder that recovery and renewal from anything is one step at a time. You begin with the white pearl which symbolizes the whole and healthy person. Next is the clasp, the point at which something breaks. It can be an accident, a health issue, a loss or an emotional crisis. From the clasp on the other side of the bracelet there is a progression of freshwater pearls growing in size and changing in color. Each pearl along the way represents a stepping-stone to recovery. The different colors represent the changing emotions, and new tasks accomplished in the process. The pearls continue to get bigger as healing takes place, ultimately reaching the bright white pearl where it started, signifying the return to full health."

Awesome. Apparently, the artist's brother was in a really bad accident a few years back, and this bracelet was made in his honor. It's like that quote from. . .Winston Churchill (?), "If you're going through Hell, keep on going."

How about two more?

Thing to Buy #4:

Gummi Bear 'Candelier' from Jellio: Fun. . .by Design

Um, a chandelier. Made of Gummi Bears. I don't think I ACTUALLY have to say anything else about this.

Thing to Buy #5:

Mini Rainboot Garden from FredFlare.com

I love rainboots. My own, personal pair of pink-lined, black-with-white-polka-dots pair was featured on the cover of the Home and Garden supplement of the newspaper I worked for. I sketched out what I wanted for the cover, and D took care of the photoshoot for me. It turned out awesomely.

That has nothing to do with this garden thing, but it's a great anecdote.

My point it, while boots are cute, mini boots are even cuter, and anything small enough to let me grow things even though I'm currently dwelling in an apartment? Awesome.

So there's my list. Go buy these things for yourself, go buy them for me. . .whatever. I just think more people need to own more Things of Awesome. You're welcome.