Sunday, October 3, 2010

The One With the Sex Pills

OK, guys. It’s time for full disclosure. If you’re not into TMI, of the lady parts nature, or, more specifically, MY lady parts, then you should probably avoid this entry. Go here instead.

Still with me? Good.

In my life, there is sometimes sex. I know that it’s something that I have only touched on (hee!) briefly and with the utmost of vagueness, but I’m going to go ahead and say that I am an adult and that I have been known to take part in adult-like premarital relations.*

I bring this up partially because it has to do with the story I have to tell, but also because I’m working, ever so slowly, at being more. . .open, I guess, whilst writing. There are bloggers out there that will tell you each and every time they and whomever get busy. (Hint: I am not one of those bloggers.) And then there are some bloggers that pretend they don’t know what sex means. (Hint: I am not one of those bloggers either.) I’m trying to reach some kind of happy medium with what I write about, and this, I feel, is the first step. Sometimes, there’s sex.

The problem with this, I discovered, is that the aforementioned sex sometimes causes problems for some people. For some people (not me!), it’s STDs. For others, it’s an unintended pregnancy (again, not me!). And for still others, it’s a nasty little thing called a Urinary Tract Infection. (Bingo.)

As you all know, I’ve not been involved with The Sex for all that long. I’m a relative newbie. So after the first couple of. . .encounters, when I found that I was MISERABLE-feeling in the bladder area, thanks to Cosmo (the one useful thing Cosmo has done for me. . .self-diagnosing a UTI), I immediately knew that the problem was. I went to one of those urgent care clinics (Dad refers to them as Doc-In-A-Box), and they gave me an antibiotic and sent me on my merry way.

A while later, it was back. (I’ll mention here that there was no reason, legal or otherwise, why I shouldn’t have been having sex, and lots of it, at the time. I wasn’t because my partner, and I think you all know who that was, but I’m not going to explicitly state, because OBVIOUSLY, was out of town a lot.) So every time I’d see him, I’d end up with this issue. It was causing me no end of grief and costing me more money than I had to spend on a lady parts issue. I enjoyed The Sex, but how worth it was it, REALLY?

When I’d gone the first time, the DIAB had told me that it’s a good thing I hadn’t waited any longer, because it could cause kidney issues.

Back the truck up. KIDNEY issues? Suddenly, I was having horrible back pain and was convinced that my kidneys were going to fall out and I was going to die of some sort of diseased kidney issue.

So every time I had the problem after that, I became CONVINCED that my back was killing me, and that it was because my kidney juice was leaking out into the rest of my body and I was going to die.

(Um, the back problems may or may not have had something to do with the fact that I was still living at Dad’s and did not have a bed there, resulting in me pretty much sleeping on the floor on top of a fully deflated blow-up bed. But it was KIDNEY PROBLEMS!)

Cutting to the end of the story, I eventually made an appointment with a urologist and she gave me a mild antibiotic to take after every. . .sexing. Kind of a pain in the ass, but much better than a pain in the bladder.

The problem that I have had with said antibiotic has nothing to do with the antibiotic itself, but with the package it came in. Here's a picture:

The problem I have with this is that. . .um. . .I have a prescription bottle that says "intercourse."

Intercourse is one of those words like "moist" or "panties" or "lover." It should just never be used by anyone, ever.

So, in the course of the year I've had this prescription, I've been suffering the indignities of everyone at the pharmacy knowing EXACTLY why I'm taking these pills. There was one time, this kid (he looked younger than me and he was a punk. A kid.) who glanced at the instructions, legitimately laughed, asked if there was anything else he could help me with, and then said in this TONE, "Have a. . .good evening." (I should note, D was with me at the time. That couldn't have helped.)

I felt super-uncomfortable with that guy, and with a couple of other people who've filled it. It's like. . .there are several medications you can get, and it doesn't clarify WHY you're getting it on the package. But this one? Yep. It's due to The Sex.

So I had to call the urologist last week because my prescription had expired. (This is because when they were prescribed, I was to take one. . .immediately afterwards and then one 12 hours later, as indicated on the original bottle. I figured out that I only needed the one. . .immediately afterwards, and I was OK. So I had a surplus.) My old NP wasn't there anymore, but a new doctor was willing to refill it over the phone.

I went to pick it up, and was met with this:

Instead of "intercourse" in 10-pt. font, now it's up to at LEAST 14. There's NO QUESTION about what's in that bottle. People probably think I have herpes or something. And I want to say to the pharmacist, "It's because of UTIs! I'm diabetic, and we're very susceptible to UTIs! I'm AN ADULT!"

I think the new urologist and I need to have a chat. I need to, between now and the next appointment, think of a better way to phrase that, and ask him to put THAT on the label.

I know it's not just me. I showed D the bottle, and he laughed. Out loud.



*Sorry, Mom


  1. Interesting. I used to suffer with UTIs and after I finished my round of antibiotics my doctor told me to drink more water. He also told me to drink alot of cranberry juice (real juice not the cocktail stuff). I haven't had one in more than seven years.

  2. Awww! I definitely understand where you're coming from. I can imagine how embarassing that would be. And really, the pharmacy techs should NOT be laughing at you for it! I would have punched that guy in the face! (Or, at least done it in my mind 4828197917 times because of my OCD.)

    Maybe try to think of it this way: Pharmacists and Pharmacy Techs are supposed to know what each medication is for (or have a general idea). They don't, however, know WHY someone is picking the medication up. So, they probably know that you have diabetes and you are prone to UTI's after The Sex. (They do have a small medical history on you, don't they?) That's nice for you! However, there could be some dude that has to pick up a herpes medication for himself, but only because he has cold sores. Imagine how much worse THAT would be! lol

    Either way, I hope your new doctor will be able to word it differently for you. Maybe ask him/her to word it "take one capsule as needed"? Because YOU will know when it is needed, and the pharmacy people will not know all about your personal life. :)

  3. I did try the cranberry juice thing. The juice and the supplement, and this weird herbal thing D found for me. . .all to no avail.

    Also, since the antibiotic is a general one, I don't think they actually WOULD know why I was taking it. So I do definitely need to get that changed to "as needed."

    Either that, or have it say something like, "After intercourse. . .8 times per week!"

    Just to give the pharmacists something to talk about.

  4. This might be an odd question, but any chance the dude isn't helping matters? Like, I had an ex who would frequently get STIs. To help out, I would make sure I showered before I went over her place, or if she was coming over. It seemed to work, since she went from having them once every couple of weeks to once in the remaining four months we dated. (I haven't had the UTI problem with anyone else, so I'm assuming she was just particularly sensitive to it.)

    But yeah, it's weird that they write about the intercourse thing in big letters on the pill bottle. Unfortunately, I'm betting they have to write it that big because there must be just a gaggle of people taking it completely improperly.

  5. I'm pretty sure Said Dude isn't necessarily a factor. When it kept happening, he was actually so sweet about it, trying to find out if there was anything he could do, etc. He even went to the doctor to make sure it WASN'T him.

    Also what could be a factor is the prophylactic part of the equation. Because that's ALWASY a thing. :)

  6. You're so lucky! I *wish* I had a prescription telling me to take a pill after sex. Because that would indicate that I'm having sex.

    See, silver lining? You could be me. Pill-less and sexless.