The One With the Avocados

Good morning/early afternoon/whatever, y'all.

I've been super busy doing not a whole lot. On the plus side, one of D's new clients is a bar owner, so I have had more than my fill of beer and bar food over the last couple of days. Please don't tell my endocrinologist. Or my mother.

Speaking of food (you like what I did there?), I was talking to my cousin, Carrie, this morning, and we had a conversation that led to some Google searches, which ultimately led to a downward spiral of shame.

She starts the conversation innocuously enough, with "random question."

The question goes like this: "So I'm reading on this Web site about uses for avocado. I originally wanted to see if you can eat the pit. People always throw it out, but it's soft and malleable like the flesh, so why can't you eat it? Anyway. I came across this site that has various other uses for avocado and saw this -- Foot and Hand Massage. With your partner, share the luxury of a relaxing massage. If you both have sex in mind, don't stop with the hands and feet"

That led into a discussion of whether or not that was gross. Carrie conceded that a hand and foot massage might be OK, but that was the end of it. I said, if something touches my feet, I don't want it touching ANYWHERE ELSE. I also have texture issues with touching things with my hands, so I don't think I'd like that either. So feet would be it.

This got me thinking. So, as you do, I went to Google and typed in "Sex with Food."

(At this point, you're probably thinking, "Sarah, will you NEVER LEARN?" The answer to that is probably "No. No I will not.")

The first thing that popped up (that's what she said?) was on the Web site TheFrisky.com, which I have heard of before, but do not frequent. In a column entitled "Doin' It With Dr. V," someone writes in and asks, basically, that since she got all hot and bothered while her boyfriend was cutting up peppers, and then he touched her in the delicate lady area, could this cause bad things to happen?

Yikes.

The answer was basically, as long as nothing's burning, you should be OK. But then she also went into the types of foods that WOULD be OK to use, and ways to be careful about it. So that's cool.

Next, Google gave me a page at askmen.com. The title? "Food For Sex" This one starts out talking about the movie "9 1/2 Weeks" (obvs) and continued on to discuss ice, whipped cream, and chocolate.

Now, I'm not a huge food-with-sex connoisseur (read: never ever), but this article is kind of. . .obvious, isn't it? I've read enough Cosmo to have heard this stuff 9,000 times. So while I commend The Frisky for telling people how to be safe, etc., I have to kind of give Ask Men a fail. Because. . .really.

The next one was a Google image gallery that had the famous triple-X in the address, so I left that one alone.

There were a couple more that I skimmed over, but I think that, since I only wanted to highlight 3, I'll leave off with my favorite one. A blog at the "Houston Press" talked about the top 10 best food and sex scenes in movies. I didn't watch them (would have possibly been a little awkward explaining to D what I was doing. "I'm watching food sex scenes." ". . .why?" "For my READERS!") but every clip includes a synopsis of what the scene was about, and the foods necessary to pull them off. Cool.

So what do you all think? Food and sex: Awesome and Awesome or Weird and Messy?