The One Where the FDA Does Not Show Up

My last post was my 50th post, and I didn't realize it. That doesn't seem like such a big deal, but my OCD has a weird way with numbers, and a big, round number like 50 is something I enjoy. Don't judge me.

The company for which I am currently working is waiting for the FDA to come and do an inspection. It's a relatively new company in this location, so they have to make sure everything's in good working order.

This, of course, means that everyone's freaking out. Through some process of elimination I don't understand (having not worked extensively in the pharmaceutical industry), everyone's decided that they're coming this week. So everyone's been freaking the eff out.

I get a phone call from a number I don't recognize today, right when I walk in.

"[Name of Company], this is Sarah," I say.

"Are They there?"

It was my boss calling from her cell phone. No "Hi, Sarah! How are you on this lovely Tuesday?" or "Hello, Sarah! Your phone voice is ravishing today!" or even "Sarah. Why did I have to call 6 times before you answered?" (Legitimately. I had 8 missed calls when I walked in this morning. 2 of them were from after I'd left yesterday, and the other 6 were from her, this morning, spaced anywhere from 30 seconds to 1:15 apart.)

"Nope. Not here."

"Good. I'm running late. Call me if They get there."

20 minutes later, my phone rings again, this time from my boss' extension.

"Hello?"

"They come in?"

"No."

"OK." (Call ends.)

I go about my business, putting 845,056,069 papers in order for filing, and someone from the other building walks by.

"Have They come?" she asks.

"Nope."

"OK. Let me know when They do."

This happens a few more times before lunch, and I'm thinking to myself I need to work for the FDA! I want to strike this much fear in the hearts of many! I want people scampering to get everything finished before I show up. I think that's the ideal.

I didn't think it was that big of a deal (OK, no. I KNOW the FDA coming is a big deal, but I didn't think it was a big deal for ME.) but my boss said, "OK, Sarah. When They come in, call (the plant manager) immediately. And then call (the QA director). Oh, and be charming."

What?

First off, I'm always charming. But. . .that's a legit order? I'm scared of these people! I'm expecting them to come in weilding machetes over their heads, dressed head to toe in camo with several bullets strapped across their chests.

(No, I don't know why they have bullets if they're using machetes. Ask them. Or better yet, don't. They might KILL YOU.)

Long story short, the FDA did not show up today. Hopefully, they'll show up tomorrow, so people will stop asking me if they're here. And so I can see if my machete theory is true.

The One Where I Don't Watch Much TV (Really)

I started doing a list of things (see: here). Here is thing number three:

Day 03 - your favorite television program

Cancelled or uncancelled? Cable or network?

I don't actually watch that much TV, but Grey's Anatomy is probably my current favorite that is actually on TV currently. I also love (LOVE!) the Food Network, and I miss it now that we only have the most basic of cable packages.

Older shows, I have every season of Friends, and I feel like Wonderfalls was one of those TV shows cut off before its prime. I used to never miss The Office, but now it's lamer than lame. Jim and Pam need to STFU and go away with their stupid baby.

30 Rock used to be one I never missed, but I just got busy with life, and I don't think I watched it once last season.

Modern Family is good. Cougar Town is not good.

This is a pretty short vignette of a post, but I don't really have a lot to say about TV. The most passionate thing I feel about it is that I miss the Food Network. I also miss watching trashy reality TV. But I feel like I'm a better person for my lack of a billion channels.

The One Where I Talk About the Weekend and I Win Something

First! I've mentioned that I follow about 6,094,864 blogs. Along with that comes me sometimes entering giveaways. (A lot of the giveaways are for things I would never need, like. . .a bra for nursing, or a year's supply of baby wipes. I do not enter those.)

For all the 'contests' I've entered, I've never won anything. . .until today!

At the Say Anything blog, I entered a contest for candles. . .and I won! Granted, there were only 16 entries, so the odds were pretty good, but what was funny to me was that there were several ways to win (you got an entry for following her on Twitter, following the blog, etc.), and some people entered 4 or 5 times. But my one little entry won, and I'm wicked excited!

So the weekend was great.

Friday night, I took D to the Lincoln Theatre to see his girlfriend, Ingrid Michaelson. The show was sold out, and the opening act was this guy named Matt Morris, who I'd never heard of until that evening, but who is apparently a pretty Big Deal. His album was produced by Justin Timberlake's record label, he was on the Mickey Mouse Club, his father was a country music singer, etc. He was AWESOME. Ended up buying his album, and D got him to sign both poster and and CD for me.

The best part, I think, was when this girl in the crowd yelled out, "Matt! Will you marry me?" and he laughed and held up his left hand (which had a ring on it) and said, "Sorry, sweetheart. But if you want to come out to the lobby after the show, we can talk! And I'll give you a hug!" Then he was like, "A marriage proposal. . .that is SO rock and roll!"

When we spoke to him afterward, he was so nice and so down to Earth. I hope everyone and their mother buys his album.

Then Ingrid came on. Her show was great. Really, really great. The crowd was into it, she was into it. . .she did a cover of Britney Spears' "Toxic". . .all was good in the world.

After the show, however, when we hung around to meet her, she only seemed interested in the fans that were all, "OMG, Ing. I totes luv ur music! We should be BFF!" D told her that I'd given him the tickets as a gift, because he likes her so much, and she was all, "OK, whatever. GIRLS WITH GIFTS! Come to me!" And was talking about during the show how people give her stuff all the time, and she throws it out. I was like. . .really?

I was not pleased with that at all. She was actually a real bitch. Puts on a great show, but needs some lessons in Social Graces. Maybe Matt Morris can teach her some.

Saturday, we hit the Farmer's Market. With a car. (Just kidding.) Bought some peaches and some ridiculously hot cheese D likes and that I will not get near. Then we went to get some coffee and were looking over this publication that prints a "Best of" list every year. D's been really wanting some chicken wings for the last little while, so we went to the place that was voted Best in the Triangle. The place was awesome. Really, really awesome. And I tried a strawberry beer that I feel like I could sit around and drink for days.

Then we walked for a while, checking out all the people bar-hopping. We hopped no bars.

Sunday, I worked at the library, then we went for pizza and more walking, around a lake this time. And that's the story of my awesome weekend. What did you guys do over the weekend?

The One With (Some Of) My Favorite Movie(s)

I started doing a list of things (see: here). Here is thing number two:

Day 02: Your favorite movie*

Much like with the songs, I don't have a favorite movie. I love movies, and have (if I do say so myself) a pretty good and extensive collection at home. I have old movies, romantic comedies, action movies, great movies, terrible movies, gay movies, old movies. . .Pretty much everything. A couple of my favorites, though. . .

1. Pulp Fiction

Pulp Fiction (the movie after which my blog AND Twitter name are named) is one of my favorite movies of all time. Yes, the profanity flows freely, and yes, there are some pretty violent moments, but on the whole, it's incredible, if you can keep up with the intersection storylines. Plus, Uma Thurman is basically a goddess in this movie, so there's that. And John Travolta is badass and someone I'd want to hang out with. If I were into hanging out with contract killers. (I'm not.)

2. American Psycho 2

This? Is a bad movie. I mean it. is. a. BAD MOVIE. The dialogue is terrible, there's no real plot to speak of, it only marginally has anything to do with American Psycho the original, there are plot holes wide enough to drive. . .it's basically laughably bad. I've never seen American Psycho, but from what I understand, it's pretty gruesome. The worst thing that happens in this movie (SPOILER ALERT!) is that you see a woman who has hanged herself (. . .or DID she?), and you see some brain matter on a plaque.

Um, OK, that's actually kind of gross. But it's nowhere near gruesome.

So why, you may ask, is this one of my favorite movies?

Because William freaking Shatner is in it. Also, because it's entertaining in a way that I'm not sure it's intended to be.

Also, contrary to the movie cover, there is no giant hook of any kind involved in anything.

3. Legally Blonde

To round out my Awesome Movie Trifecta, I'm going to include one of my favorites that I'd call a guilty pleasure, if not for the fact that I am willing to tell everyone and their mother how much I love it. Reese Witherspoon is so perfect in this role, and she's adorable to boot. The storyline is kind of like. . .WHAT? But it's awesome. And I also always tear up a little bit when (SPOILER ALERT!) she gets into law school. It's a lovely movie, and any time I turn on the TV and see that it's on, no matter where in the movie I'm coming into it, I have to sit down and watch it. Awesome.

*Yes, I'm aware it's not technically Day 2. The weekend was busy, and I think you'll forgive me.

The One With My Favorite Song (Sort of.)

This is literally an impossible question to answer.

If you held a gun to my head and said, "Sarah, pick one favorite song," I'd be like, "Please stop holding a gun to my head," and when you realized that it was stupid to be threatening my life over a song, you would lower the gun and contemplate what you were doing, which would give me the opportunity to Judo Chop your wrist to get the gun out of your hand while holding you in a Full Nelson until the cops got there. Incidentally, it wouldn't take them long to get there, because they were watching from across the street and one of them says, "Holy Jeez, that person has a gun to that girl's head." This is also how they knew to come over. Because they saw it.

Point being, all this would transpire because I wouldn't know what to tell you. I can tell you favorite artists, I can tell you songs I love, but I can't actually give you one song that is My Song. So I'll give you a few from which to choose and the circumstances under which I love them. I hope that's OK, but I'm guessing it won't be, since you were the one holding a gun to my head a few minutes ago.

Best Song That Reminds Me of Middle School But That I Still Sing Along To
-- *NSync's "I Want You Back"





This song was 'DA BOMB' in middle school. (Do people still say that? Did anyone ever say that?) It's catchy, it's poppy, it's about a boy wanting a girl back because he did her wrong (which. . .I had no experience with, but I took their word for it that that's the way it goes.) I love this song to this day and will still unabashedly play it with the windows rolled down whilst rocking out. As much as one can rock out to a boy band.

Best Song to Sing During Karaoke If I Were Willing to Sing in Public
--Carrie Underwood "Before He Cheats"



I don't sing. No, wait, that's a lie. I don't sing well. Therefore, I do not sing in public. However, there are times when you're out at a bar (I would imagine) that your friends are like, "Come on! Sing! Get up and do karaoke!" And if that were to ever happen to me, this is the song I'd sing. I don't know why, but I've always imagined getting up and getting all into it and tossing my hair in a sexy sort of way that says "Yeah, you're not going to cheat on ME!"

. . .I don't know.

Best Song That Will Immediately Put You in the Mood for Lovin'
-- Maroon 5 "Kiwi"




This song is dirty. There's no other way to put it except that it's dirty as hell. And I love it. (This isn't an actual music video, as Maroon 5 never recorded one for this song. It's just the song.)

So there's three. I have a list of like 6 more, but I started this post like 12 hours ago, and I feel like it's about time to move on. Maybe I'll revisit the idea of Music for Special Occasions later.

The One Where I Post a List

Short entry here, just want to post a list.

One of the (many. Many.) blogs I read put this thing up, a 30-day topic-a-day list of things to write about. I'm going to attempt to keep up with it, although I haven't decided whether I'm going to make these, as a whole, their own seperate entries or if I'm going to attach them to something I've already written, but I guess it doesn't matter. So here's the list:

Day 01 - your favorite song
Day 02 - your favorite movie
Day 03 - your favorite television program
Day 04 - your favorite book
Day 05 - your favorite quote
Day 06 - 20 of my favorite things.
Day 07 - a photo that makes you happy
Day 08 - a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 - a photo you took
Day 10 - a photo of taken of you over ten years ago
Day 11 - a photo of you taken recently
Day 12 - something your OCD about
Day 13 - a fictional book
Day 14 - a non-fictional book
Day 15 - your dream house
Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 - an art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 - my wedding/or future wedding
Day 19 - a talent of yours
Day 20 - a hobby of yours
Day 21 - a recipe
Day 22 - a website
Day 23 - a YouTube video
Day 24 - where I live
Day 25 - your day, in great detail
Day 26 - your week, in great detail
Day 27 - my worst habbit
Day 28 - whats in my handbag/purse
Day 29 - hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 -- a dream for the future

Not looking forward to Day 8, but what can you do?

The One Where the Class of 2010 Gets Really, Really Depressed

(Note: This is another entry that contains photographs I, myself, did not take. The ones at the ceremony were taken by my SDad, and the others, I THINK, were taken by D. Just FYI.)

Katie graduated last Friday. While I was busy graduating college and getting my first job and getting fired from said job and getting engaged, Katie went and grew up and graduated. D and I were THISCLOSE to being late, thanks to Raleigh traffic on a Friday afternoon, but we made it. Even found a good parking spot. I was fine on the way there. I was fine whilst parking. I was fine when I walked in.

And then I hear, "SARAH!" and turn to see Katie in line, getting ready to go in, waving and grinning with all the excitement of a soon-to-be high school graduate.

That's about the time I lost it.

I cried until we got to our seats. I ended up sitting next to a cousin of mine who is. . .kind of mean? And who would have mocked me had I cried any more, so I managed to hold it in through most of the ceremony. I just looked away if I had to cry.

Katie went to a private Christian school. I don't know how many of you know what about private Christian schools, but the graduations from such institutions are. . .all exactly the same. A few too many songs sung, a way-too-long "message" during which you find out that you may or may not be going to Hell, all in a gym that's hot. Freaking hot.

This one was pretty much on the money.

The main thing, though, that I need to mention, is the speaker. He's from a Christian college in South Carolina, the name of which I won't explicitly type out on the off chance this blog comes up when you Google it. He was wearing this giant medallion that has something to do with being the President of said college, and told us promptly that it has its own facebook page. (You're welcome.)

He started off with an analogy (or something) about a turtle on a post. A fence post, you know? In this case Turtle on Post = High School Graduate. The idea was that a turtle on a post clearly didn't get there by itself, and neither did a high school graduate. . .they had support along the way, etc. OK. Good analogy.

But then.

Actually, no. I lie. He STARTED with a 15-minute commercial for his college. Said that there was one person from last year's graduating class who went to his school. None this year, but hopefully there would be in the future.

Probably not after this particular commencement address.

THEN there was the turtle thing.

And THEN he starts talking about how messed up things are

in the world. Legitimately goes on for about 35 minutes about how crappy things are. According to this guy, every time anyone looks at an airplane, they "see a potential weapon." He went on about the economy, and how there are no jobs. He also took a moment to mention that Al Gore is wrong about global warming but that he, himself, does not have an opinion. There was also something in there about the melting glaciers. But, of course, global warming isn't a thing.

Um, I'm pretty sure that saying Al Gore is wrong is an opinion.

There was a rumble throughout the crowd when he mentioned Al Gore. I don't think it was a lot of people getting mad that he'd said AG was wrong, since the school is made of primarily of conservative Republican-types, but I have all ideas it had everything to do with bringing politics into a high school graduation.

Oh, yeah. That's right. I forgot that the graduates were even THERE.

At one point, he says something like, "Now, you'll be glad to know I'm almost finished. . ." and a few people actually applauded. D was one of these people, and, as it turned out later, my SDad was another one.

Then someone's air horn went off. You'd think that the guy speaking would maybe laugh or say something about it, but no. Just kept on talking. No acknowledgement.

About 40 minutes of doom and gloom (and bling!), and he closes with "But God is there." I think this was his point, but I also think that he chose the Worst! Possible! Way! to get the point across. Finally, blessedly, it was over.

And then everyone got their diplomas, and there was joy in all the land. But seriously? If I were one of these graduates, I'd throw off my stupid hat and be like, "Eff all this. I'm staying in high school."

When Katie's name was called, D said we were maybe one of the top 4 loudest families to cheer. My Marine brother yelled, "Yeah, KATIE!" in a scary, military-type voice. We're all loud by nature, so none of this was a surprise. I probably "WOOHOO!"'ed kind of loudly as well.

Afterward, we went back to Mom's, took some pictures, had some cake, and hung out. My brother brought liquor, which helped with my grieving process.

But all in all, good times.

What's that you want? More pictures? OK, OK. Incidentally, this marks the first time ever I've posted a picture of myself on my blog. This was initially for. . .something like security purposes? But I feel like at this point, I've given enough information that people would be like, "Oh, yeah. That's Sarah."
I know what you're wondering, and the answer is yes. I am, in fact, 9,000 feet tall. This is, obviously the fam.

What I should explain before my last picture is that my sister is kind of a misplaced hippie. She legitimately should have been born back in the 50's, so she would have been a teenager in the 60's. She's crunchy and groovy and all about peace signs. So when I wanted to change out of my lovely black and white dress and I borrowed some clothes from Katie, naturally, they were tie-dyed.