The One Where the FDA Does Not Show Up

My last post was my 50th post, and I didn't realize it. That doesn't seem like such a big deal, but my OCD has a weird way with numbers, and a big, round number like 50 is something I enjoy. Don't judge me.

The company for which I am currently working is waiting for the FDA to come and do an inspection. It's a relatively new company in this location, so they have to make sure everything's in good working order.

This, of course, means that everyone's freaking out. Through some process of elimination I don't understand (having not worked extensively in the pharmaceutical industry), everyone's decided that they're coming this week. So everyone's been freaking the eff out.

I get a phone call from a number I don't recognize today, right when I walk in.

"[Name of Company], this is Sarah," I say.

"Are They there?"

It was my boss calling from her cell phone. No "Hi, Sarah! How are you on this lovely Tuesday?" or "Hello, Sarah! Your phone voice is ravishing today!" or even "Sarah. Why did I have to call 6 times before you answered?" (Legitimately. I had 8 missed calls when I walked in this morning. 2 of them were from after I'd left yesterday, and the other 6 were from her, this morning, spaced anywhere from 30 seconds to 1:15 apart.)

"Nope. Not here."

"Good. I'm running late. Call me if They get there."

20 minutes later, my phone rings again, this time from my boss' extension.

"Hello?"

"They come in?"

"No."

"OK." (Call ends.)

I go about my business, putting 845,056,069 papers in order for filing, and someone from the other building walks by.

"Have They come?" she asks.

"Nope."

"OK. Let me know when They do."

This happens a few more times before lunch, and I'm thinking to myself I need to work for the FDA! I want to strike this much fear in the hearts of many! I want people scampering to get everything finished before I show up. I think that's the ideal.

I didn't think it was that big of a deal (OK, no. I KNOW the FDA coming is a big deal, but I didn't think it was a big deal for ME.) but my boss said, "OK, Sarah. When They come in, call (the plant manager) immediately. And then call (the QA director). Oh, and be charming."

What?

First off, I'm always charming. But. . .that's a legit order? I'm scared of these people! I'm expecting them to come in weilding machetes over their heads, dressed head to toe in camo with several bullets strapped across their chests.

(No, I don't know why they have bullets if they're using machetes. Ask them. Or better yet, don't. They might KILL YOU.)

Long story short, the FDA did not show up today. Hopefully, they'll show up tomorrow, so people will stop asking me if they're here. And so I can see if my machete theory is true.