The One With a Letter to Scam Artists

Dear Craigslist Scam Artists,

I hate you all. "Hate" is not an emotion that I have for too many people. In fact, I can only think of two right offhand. One doesn't need to be mentioned, and the other is Matthew McCaughnahay or however the eff you spell his name. But all of you are now on that list. There's a special level of hell for you, and I think it includes a radio station that plays "This is the Song That Never Ends," "It's a Small World After All," the theme song to Barney, and "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" on an endless loop, nothing to eat but the one last bite of your favorite things, and a movie theatre that only shows $9.50 versions (no matinees) of "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days," "Jersey Girl," and all movies starring Vin Diesel or "The Rock" in a serious acting role. And shows like "I'm a Celebrity. . .Get Me Out of Here" are the only things on TV.

I have found several jobs on craigslist, and have sent e-mails to find out about them. What I keep getting back is an e-mail from someone in your "H.R. Dept." telling me that my resume has exactly what you're looking for, and that I should immediately go to this Web site (for which you have, so kindly, provided the link) and give you all of my information, INCLUDING my social security number, because you need to run a credit check on me.

I'm guessing "credit check" means "stealing my identity." But no. I will not give you my SSN, and all of you can just go to hell for putting up jobs that people desperately need in just an attempt to steal their identities. I hope you all die horrible deaths involving having to listen to Celine Dion and her husband talk about their love life and that you lose your own job immediately. Then I hope you go to craigslist to find a new one and give some hacker YOUR SSN so they can steal your miserable, worthless identity.

Kisses,
Sarah