Friday, August 6, 2010

The One With the Irritating Things

Sometimes in life, there are things that Just Irritate the Eff Out Of You. I'm not in a bad mood today or anything, but I thought I'd take a moment and list some of these things. For funsies. And posterity.

1. People who comment on stories on and the like by saying, "This is news?!" or "This isn't news!"

OK, y'all. Obviously you knew what the story was about when you clicked on it. And if you're in the "Entertainment" section of a news site, then yeah, Lily Allen being pregnant IS news. News is partially defined as "a report of a recent event." Yep, Lily Allen being pregnant is a recent event. At least within the last 9 months. Yep, you're reading a report. Yep, I think you should shut your whore mouth, because why did you click on it if you weren't interested in it? It's not like someone's standing over you all the time saying "CLICK ON THAT! EVEN IF YOU DON'T CARE!! YOU MUST CLICK!" This doesn't generally happen unless you have children.

2. People who can't be bothered to type with proper spelling, punctuation, or Caps Lock skills

Ironically (IRONY!!), I thought of this one whilst typing the last one. Because of the ridiculous use of Caps Lock. The thing here, though, is that I use it for emphasis, or to demonstrate someone being ungodly loud. I COULD use the "bold" function, but pressing ctrl+b takes a LOT more time than just holding down the shift key (or pressing the CL button.) My usage is out of laziness, not ignorance. But if you type a message or a text or whatever in all caps, I feel like you're yelling at me, and you're going to give me issues. Also, if you use "text speak," you sound like a 12-year-old, and I will treat you as such.

This one even gets a second paragraph, because it bugs me so much. If you send me any kind of message that reads something like, "OMG! im soooooo x-ited about de CONCERT DIS WKND!!! Txt meh l8er n we cin figgr out da PLANZ!", I'm going to slap you and possibly punch you in the face. I hate how the use of technology has made a lot of people just sound like ignorant asshats. Admittedly, I use things like "OMG" and "WTF" and stuff like that, but I use it, you know, ironically. I know that that's not what people are supposed to sound like.

3. People who refuse to let you change lanes in front of them even though it would LITERALLY be no skin off their teeth to let you in

This happened to me this morning. I drive on a really busy road to get to work. I was in the far right lane, which turns into a right turn-only lane. Even though I CAN get to work by taking the right turn, I prefer to go straight, because the right turn option takes me in the side door, and I prefer to go in the front, if the traffic's not backed up.

So I was about a minute from the lane ending. I flipped on my turn signal and this fugly gold Camery (Camry? Spell check HATES this word!) was to my left. I sped up a little to get over in front of the guy (a douchey-looking executive type in a business suit) and he sped up, too. I'm like, ". . . . ." and I slow down a little, thinking if I can't get in front of him, I'll fall in behind him.

Of course, he slows down.

Now I'm like, ". . . . . .???" I try speeding up again, and he speeds up, too. He's literally blocking me into this lane. He's looking at me, so I know it's intentional.

I did eventually give up and just take the right turn, but really? WHY was that a thing he felt like he needed to do? Letting me in front of him (and especially behind him!) would not have made him any later to wherever he was going to spread his douchebaggery amongst the masses.

The one caveat to this, the one time when I find it acceptable to not let someone change lanes in front of you, is if they're one of those people that are in a lane that's ending or closed or whatever, they've seen the signs for at least half a mile, and they stay in the closing or ending lane to try to get ahead of everyone else. I have no sympathy for these people. If you're either A) not paying attention to what you're doing, or B) Just trying to be a jerk, I will not let you in. I don't expect anyone to do it for me if I'm not paying attention to signs, so I will also not do it for you. Period.

4. People with no freaking common sense when it comes to doors

This one is entirely work-centric. The view I have from my desk is this:

On the opposite wall, beyond the doors, there is a sign. The sign used to say, essentially, "Call the person you're here to see when you get here," and then there was a list of numbers. The doors are locked, so this was in case no one was at the front desk to let you in.

I changed it because people would try to open the door (which is actually sometimes hilarious, since people pull on the door really hard sometimes and it doesn't move. People have almost fallen over. What I have wanted to do but have not and will not do is wait until they give a super hard tug and press the release button while they're doing that. I feel like that would be amusing, yet sue-worthy. Also, while I'm on it? People should understand that if they pull a door and it does not open, if they pull it a second time, it's probably STILL not going to open. I'm just sayin'.) but they would try to open the door, and then immediately look to the sign on the right, not bothering to look to the left to see me sitting right there, ready to let them in.

So I changed the sign to say something like, "If the receptionist is not there, THEN call these numbers."

You'd think this would make them think, "Oh, there's a receptionist. Maybe the receptionist will let me in."

Most people do not think this. They'll read the sign, call whomever they're there to see, and if no one answers, they'll just look irritated and lost, never once looking at me. It's annoying and frustrating, but there's no other way to get their attention other than to put up another sign saying, "Hey! Moron! Look to your LEFT! There's someone sitting RIGHT THERE, ready to let you in if you'll just LOOK AT HER!"

It does not help that when I unlatch the door, it makes no sound to indicate it has been unlocked. So people just stand there, looking at me.

Would you not look for someone sitting somewhere to let you in? It just makes sense to me.

Even though I very much dislike the number 4, I'll end it there. No need for THAT much negativity caused by basic stupidity.


  1. Oh! Great list. I get so annoyed by those drivers that don't let you switch lanes. What do they care? I always wonder why they are so nutty!

  2. I can relate to a lot of these : )

  3. I have to admit, I am one of those jerks that stays in a lane knowing that it will end just so I can get ahead of everyone else. And yes, I am aware of what a terrible person that makes me. Funny thing is how I became that person. I used to wait in the proper lane which would inevitably bottleneck because of all the jerks that would wait until the last possible second to jump in front of everyone else in my lane. I HATED those people. Then one day, I realized that I hated those people because I was jealous of them! So I became that person, and I've never looked back.

    It also helped when I became an insurance adjuster and learned that people like the asshole who wouldn't let you into the left lane are partially liable for any accident they cause while being an asshole, and in North Carolina that means they can't collect from my insurance company. So even though I'll also be stuck without anyone to pay for my damage, I take solace in the knowledge that they will be too.

    I really am a horrible person. Maybe that's why I'm in law school.