The One With the Threesomes

Don't worry. I didn't, nor have I ever, had a threesome. That's cool if that's what you're into. I'm not.

I had a conversation with a friend today, and it involved threesomes. Or, more specifically, several threesomes with the same three people involved. Not a one-time deal kind of threesome, but a consistent threesome.

I am not any kind of expert anything on sex. I have my opinions, sure, but coming from someone who was (as I'm mentioned on more than one occasion) a virgin up until the age of 24 (And, um, Mom? If you come across this, I still am. For sure.) and who has had one partner ever (None, Mom.), I don't have a whole lot to say about multiple partners, what one would do with multiple partners, and what have you.

I guess I understand the concept of a threesome: If 2-4 breasts are cool, 4-6 are even better! If 1-2 man parts are cool, then 2 to three would be EVEN BETTER! If you're of two is better than one line of thinking, then a threesome might be for you.

However.

The farthest my understanding of threesomes goes would be if you were single, and everyone in your. . .party were single, too.

Example: Dan is a single guy. He scouts on craigslist one night, looking for some action. He finds Liz, a single girl. They talk, and look on craigslist again, coming up with Brunhilda, who is also a single girl.*

I get that. I wouldn't DO it, but it makes sense.

Or maybe Jeff is checking out Gay.com, and he comes across Ryan, and they look and find Rodney. They decided to get it on. OK.

All of this makes a bit of sense to me.

However.

If Dan and Liz are in a committed relationship, and they invite Brunhilda to bed with them, or Jeff and Ryan are committed, and Ryan brings Rodney home, THIS is where I begin to not understand.

I know there have been people who have written essays and articles and studies about how humans are not supposed to be monogamous creatures. While this might be the case, I feel like you don't always need instant gratification, and you can BE monogamous. Maybe not by instinct, but, you know, swimming isn't an instinct either. But we learn how to do it.

I feel like if you and your partner have agreed that, yeah, we're a couple, and we're monogamous and we're not looking for anything outside the relationship. . .why would you want to bring someone else into the picture? In my opinion, all that is asking for is for hurt feelings and jealousy, and the potential end of the aforementioned relationship.

I have this friend who had a conversation with her husband about threesomes. He was all, "Oh, yeah, I totes had a threesome once!" I was taking a photography class at the time, and was shooting the conversations people were having, and I have this awesome, awesome picture of him shrinking back, eyes closed, looking like he's hurriedly explaining himself, and my friend is making Crunchy Face at him, hands on hips, all pissed off. The point of this being. . .this threesome didn't even have anything to do with her, and it made her uncomfortable. So why in the WORLD would you want to be in a relationship with someone and make that choice?

(NOTE: I'm not judging or ANYTHING right now. I honestly and legitimately am asking this question, hoping someone can maybe explain it to me.)

So, the threesome in question was between a couple, and another person. And I'm saying. . .if your partner doesn't satisfy everything you need, if you want to explore elsewhere, if there's some hole not filled (Um. . .pun not intended until I wrote it, and then TOTALLY intended, because that's HILARIOUS.), then maybe the monogamous relationship life is not for you.

I'm not saying you partner up with someone and lose all sense of other people's attractiveness. I have giant Celebrity Obsessions Crushes on this guy:


and this gal:


(Yum.) but I don't think that takes anything away from my relationship with D. Just like I know he's got his "girlfriends" (you know, celebrities he finds attractive), and I'm cool with that.

But if Billie Joe Armstrong came up to me and was like, "Hey. You're hot. Your fiance is hot. Let's GET IT ON!" I would (seriously) have issue with that. If I wanted to be going out and hooking up with people other than D. . .I wouldn't be getting married.

So what do you guys think? Threesomes: yes or no? Threesomes with Two of Three being in a relationship with each other: yes or no?

I'm really curious as to what other people think.

*I do not condone trolling for sex on craigslist. This was just to prove that these people were all single and do not know each other. But if you DO troll for sex on craigslist, use a condom. Please.